Trapped (egobang trans)

Chapter 26 - Danny

A/N: Emma blackery's songs really work for this story lol

< Danny's POV >

Never before had a phone screen been so daunting to look at.

Danny's finger hovered over the letters, not so sure he wanted to do this anymore. It was so simple, but at the same time the biggest, scariest thing he'd ever had to do.

He was at home now, up in the quiet haven of his room sat on his bed, phone in shaking hands. As much as he hated himself for it he'd actively avoided Arin ever since their conversation at break. He'd sat with the others at lunch, but even then he knew he'd been distant, distracted by his hidden demons rising to the surface. Brian had tried to call him out on it, but one annoyed snap had been enough to dissuade him. He wasn't really angry, but at this point it was the only way his stupid body knew to relieve stress. And it didn't work anyway.

Taking a deep breath he started typing for the hundredth time, getting to the end and instantly deleting it all before dropping his phone onto the bed and burying his face in his hands. He huffed, annoyed at his pathetic self.

What was the worst he could say?

Danny shouldn't have asked himself that. All at once the dozens of answers came crashing down, and though his logical brain knew they weren't actually that bad, his emotional dysphoria-riddled brain was convinced that this one message could quite literally cause the apocalypse.

He was scared, sure, but that didn't even compare to the frustration. Over the past few weeks he'd started to feel happier most days, but today that one comment from Arin had thrown him back into that pool of negativity, headfirst and in the deep end it seemed. He was drowning in his self-frustration again. He was sick of hating himself like this.

With an cry of sorts he grabbed his phone again, practically jabbing at the screen in his haste as he didn't want to give himself a chance to backtrack.

He pressed send the instance it was typed. Throwing his phone to the side again he pulled his knees up to his chin, squeezing his eyes shut and finally let himself feel it as he shook uncontrollably. His eyes stung with tears, and yet he felt himself smile.

He'd done it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

< Arin's POV >

Dani: I'm transgender

Arin stared, dumbfounded at her phone. She'd just been having dinner with her parents, and then her phone had gone off with a notification. Glancing over she'd seen it was a text and guessed that it was Dani since no one else really texted her (except Meouch, but Arin still didn't really know how to handle him). Out of politeness she hadn't checked straight away, but it had definitely made dinnertime conversation more difficult as she wondered what she'd said. She had said she'd text later, but it was still strange considering that Arin had literally witnessed her do a one-eighty when she saw her in the corridor at lunch. That hurt, but she had tried not to think about it.

After dinner she was back upstairs, finally opening up her phone to see what Dani wanted. Whatever she expected, it wasn't that.

She didn't know what to say. It wasn't a total shock, and it made sense of a lot of things Arin had been wondering about, but that didn't make it any easier to reply to. She just read it over and over for maybe 10 minutes before actually attempting to answer.

Arin: Okay

It was a pathetic reply, but it was all she could think to say. She started to pace, anxiously waiting to see if Dani replied. The tension in the air was almost suffocating.

Dani: sorry I shouldn't have sent this

Arin: no, it's fine. I don't want to assume but ftm?

Once again Arin didn't know if she was crossing any boundaries. She waited.

Dani: yes

Arin: what's your name?

Arin: sorry I'm being too nosy! I just want to know what I should call you

Dani: Danny

Arin had a moment of realisation then as she remembered her insistence to not be called Danielle. She'd assumed that "Dani" was just a nickname, but the confusion of that whole situation left as she realised the true weight of it. It was much more than a nickname.

Arin: okay. I'm guessing male pronouns?

Danny: no

The confusion returned as quickly as it went. Arin actually frowned at her phone. Why would Danny not want male pronouns?

Arin: why not?

Danny: everyone will know if they hear you using them

Arin: so should I just stick with she/her?

Danny didn't reply for a while and Arin started to worry if she'd said something wrong.

Arin: Danny? Hello?

Danny: sorry. I don't know, I just wanted to tell you. I don't want to be called she but male pronouns are just as scary. Sorry

Arin: it's okay, I understand

More than you know.

Arin: we can try the male pronouns if you want? Maybe just in texting for now to get you used to it?

Danny: okay, I'll try it. Thank you Arin, you have no idea how hard this was to say

Arin: I'm glad you told me :)

Danny: me too

A/N: AAAAA I'm so proud of Danny even though I wrote this <333 brave boi