Trapped (egobang trans)

Chapter 32 - Listen

As the streets grew more familiar, Danny felt himself grip the leather car seat tighter. It was later that morning, and he was finally going home. Arin's mum had made pancakes for them, which up until now had had Danny in a surprisingly good mood. Now he was dreading walking through that front door, for he knew that as soon as he did, he would be Danielle again. And he'd spent the best part of two days being Danny.

Thinking about that he tugged at his now dry shirt, the nervous maneuver that had stemmed from his biggest insecurity: his chest. He was looking out the window at the houses passing by, but he wasn't really taking anything in.

Someone grabbed his arm gently, moving it away from his body and guiding it down to rest on his lap. He looked over to see Arin, a sympathetic smile on his face. For a moment Danny was confused why he did that. As soon as he was forced to stop fidgeting, however, he felt some of his unease leave him. Somehow, it helped.

"Thanks. I'm just a bit... on edge right now," he said quietly.

Home was weird for Danny. He'd had a happy enough early childhood, never void of carefree fun and parental love. It was only as he'd left toddlerhood than problems had risen. His parents had always wanted a daughter - and they received one.

For a few years, Danielle was their child. Then, she didn't like her name anymore. Then, she didn't like being called "she" anymore. Then, she didn't like wearing girls clothes anymore.

Danny supposed that stubbornness ran in the family. Both his parents were very stuck in their ways and what they wanted. And so was he. It just so happened that what they both wanted conflicted each other. Danny's parents wanted a daughter, Danny wanted to be their son. That was the crux of it, really.

Well, not exactly.

Danny sighed as he leaned on his hand some, gazing out the window with a thousand yard stare again.

His parents didn't actually know that he was transgender. He'd never told them directly. All they really knew was that he didn't like his name, and that at maybe the age of 5 he'd started to change, and not for the best.

In the beginning he'd tried to confide in them about his confusing feelings, but even back then they'd been unwilling to listen. They didn't understand, they didn't want to. That was when the anger had started. It only went downhill from there: at this point Danny barely had a relationship with his parents. Sometimes he went whole days without saying a word to either of them.

The car jolted to a stop suddenly, as did Danny's train of thought. He looked out at the house, knowing full well what awaited him in there. Taking a deep breath he opened the car door and stepped out. Both Arin and his mum gave slightly sad smiles, probably sensing his unease. He tried to ignore that, simply giving them polite thanks for their hospitality before closing the door and beginning to walk up the path of the front garden.

It didn't go unnoticed by Danny that they didn't immediately drive away. He managed to smile a little at the consideration. He reached the door and, oddly, knocked. It didn't feel right to just walk in, as bizarre as that was.

Before Danny could collect his thoughts at all the door was opened. Debbie, his mother, stood before him. She wasn't very tall, maybe even a bit shorter than him, but Danny still felt threatened by her presence. He didn't meet her eye, only glancing up to catch her waving out to the car parked on the pavement, that staple friendly-neighbourhood-mum smile on her lips. It didn't reach her eyes, and as soon as Arin's mum pulled away she dropped it completely.

"Inside."

Danny plodded in behind her, stepping aside as she then locked the front door behind him. He gulped; he really felt trapped now.