It's Him I love

Doing the worst

V

It had been eight days since I woke up to Jin in the hospital. He was there holding my hand sitting right next to my bed. I can't thank him enough for everything he has done and he is doing for us, for me. If I had been in his place, I would have made a huge scene about how I left him in the middle of the road for a fight. But he didn't say a word about that fight. He didn't mention anything, not even about him paying all our hospital expenses. If not for Namjoon Hyung I would have never known. I am forever grateful to him, to my godly Jin.

Even though Jin and Yoongi hyung insisted that we rest in their place for another week, we didn't want to ask them anymore favours. Those great souls have already done enough. Hence, they dropped us and Jin off in our place and left. Jin and Namjoon hyung made sure we got all the comfort in our place. Kook is still not completely recovered and so he requires more attention. Namjoon hyung left us and went for shopping as he decided to get us hand fans which might help us in the nights.  That left Jin and me together with sleeping Kook beside us.

I didn't want to lie down anymore. I had enough of rest in the hospital, thanks to this prince in front of me.
I really haven't thanked him for everything and so decided to do it right then.

"Thanks for everything Jin."

"You don't have to thank me for anything Tae." he answered like the sweet person he is.

"If not for you, we wouldn't have got the great treatments. You paid for everything. You stayed by our side throughout. You didn't ask a question. You didn't complain. You supported us
throughout. You gave us some amazing friends. You taught me new lessons on generosity and humanity in these few days." I said genuinely.

"Tae can we sit outside and talk?" he asked.

I took him to my favourite spot in the building, the stairs. He made sure I sat down comfortably and sat beside me.
God! Why is he so nice, all the time?

"Tae..."

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yes Jin"

"Why didn't you tell me about the fight that night? I could have been there for you"

He went straight to the chase. I knew he would ask me this someday.

"I... I didn't want..." I couldn't finish.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't want you to get hurt and..."

"And?"

"I didn't want you to get hurt, that's all."

"Don't lie Tae. I am starting to understand you better nowadays. I can say when you are lying to me."

" I mean.."

"Tell me the truth Tae. You didn't want me to get hurt. Okay. And what?"

"I didn't want you to see my reality. I didn't want you to get disappointed."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I fight for my life. We barely get some food and a good living, there comes people to sabotage it. Once you get into a dump, you can never get out of it with clean hands. Those guys have a history with us. They don't kill us. They torture us. That's how we got to survive in this dump. I am sorry if this is too much for you. I know you didn't sign up for all this underground cheap drama when you asked me to become your friend."

"Tae? You are kidding me right? Did you forget that the first time I saw you, you were dripping blood all around? The second time we met was when you guys got beaten up? I know about the dump long before I became your friend Tae. You didn't choose to live this way. No one does. You will be out of this soon. That doesn't mean you will avoid me when you are in danger. None of these fights will make you look any lesser to me. You will always be someone who is very special to me." he said.

Everything he said kinda touched my senses yet I didn't want to completely believe him. Everything he saw until now might not hurt or dissappoint him. But if he knows about my past, about the reason behind that fight, will he ever be able to accept me for who I am? I don't think so.

"I really wanted to talk to you about something. Something we couldn't talk about the other night." he interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh? What is it? Sorry for not staying that night."

"It's okay. It's in the past. The thing is...I want you to promise me something."

"Promise ?"

"Promise me that you won't mistake me"

"What happened Jin?"

"I was first wondering about it...then planning to ask you about it. But these past nine days have been a confirmation to all my confusions."

"Jin? I don't understand."

"Tae... You are perfect. You are such a perfect human being. Everything about you amuses me. Everything you do, everything you say makes me feel something. You know me, I don't keep anything inside. I just don't want to keep my thoughts bottled up inside. Hence I want to tell you that..."

"that?"

" I love you Tae."

Jin loves me? Jin loves me! Me?

He said I am perfect.
He said I amuse him.
He said that he loves me.
Jin, my one side love loves me back.

"Jin...." I said tears slowly forming in my eyes.

"Tae... do you... ?" he asked with his hopeful eyes.

" No." I said. I can't have him leave me after being in love. He would definitely leave me if he knows my past. He might stay if I was a victim. But I wasn't and that will only make him run away. I don't want him to leave me then. That will kill me. It's better for him to think that I never loved him than for him to think that I persuaded him to like me.

I love Jin but I can't let him know.

I am sorry my love.