It's Him I love

Emotional Chaos

Jin

He said no. I couldn't believe my ears even when the word echoed in the stairs. I realised I was making a fool of myself all this time. I was living in a bubble. I thought he liked me. Yoongi said Tae loved me. Even though I knew there were chances for him to be wrong, I didn't want them to be true. I wanted him to like me. I wanted him to love me. What am I supposed to do now ?

"Jin?"

"I understand. Sorry." I respond quickly without thinking much. I guess all I can do is to apologise.

"No, I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't want to be dishonest with you." He said with a serious face and teary eyes.

"Why are you crying? Please don't cry."

"It's nothing." he said quickly wiping his tears. "I wanna rest for sometime."

"Ok." I said not knowing how to make this right.  "Tae?"  I called as he walked upstairs.

He slowly turned looking at me with his questioning eyes.

"Are we okay?" I asked. I need us to be fine. I can't not have him in my life. I need him.

"You will always be my best friend Jin."

Best friend. If it was a week ago, I would have been jumping in happiness. But right now, I want to be more than being his best friend. Yet, this is all I will ever get.

I left Tae's place as soon as Namjoon came back. I was controlling my tears until then but the moment I reached my room, I burst into tears. I didn't think I would ever fall in love this hard.

I fell in love for the first time.
I fell in love with the guy for the first time.
I said "I love you" for the first time.
My love got rejected for the first time.
He is my first for everything I guess.

"Jin?" Yoongi slowly called my name as he opened the door to my room. I tried to wipe my tears quickly but my puffy face must have gave him the idea.

"Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"I confessed to Tae and he said no."

"What? What's wrong with you two? Why did you rush? Why did he reject you for no reason?"

"I rushed because I need him. He said no because on contrary to what you said, he doesn't see me as anything but as a  friend."

"I am sorry Jin. I really thought he liked you more."

"It's okay"

"Hey, you don't have to lose hope. Not everyone gets their love reciprocated on their first chance. Take me for that matter."

"Well, you were sure Jimin liked you and he was hiding it. Tae doesn't like me that way Yoongiya. I can't force something out of him which isn't there in the first place."

"I really hope you do. But please don't cry alone. You got me remember?"

He came forward and hugged me tightly. I started to cry again. I didn't know why I am crying. Is it because of the love I have for Tae or is it because he rejected me or is it because I am not sure where our friendship stands anymore? He did say I am his bestfriend but will he ever forget that I confessed my love to him or will I ever be able to suppress my feelings and just be friends with him? I really wished I could go back in time and never had the morning conversation with the boys which led to all these emotional chaos.