It's Him I love

A small step forward

V

We walked beside eachother facing the ground. The chill sea breeze was hugging us both and for some reason I wanted to hug him. I haven't had this feeling with anyone before. Being with him, knowing that he is a great human being and he cares for me makes my heart skip a beat.

"V?"he slowly muttered.
I looked up at him but he was still facing the ground.
"Hyung?" I asked facing him. He looked up and turned to face me.
"I feel like I am forcing you to be friends with me. I am sorry if I am."
I felt a pain pass through me. I never wanted him to feel this way but I guess my actions were proving me wrong.
"Hyung! I didn't mean for you to feel that way" I said politely.
"This is the first time you spoke to me in a complete sentence." he said and giggles a little.
I didn't know if it was a compliment or a comment. Whatever it is, I am glad he smiled.
I just want to kiss that pretty smiling cheeks, that lips. I wanna mark him mine. Oops. I can't. I shouldn't think like this. This ain't gonna help me anytime. This is gonna hurt me forever.
"My best friend Yoongi is very similar to you. He doesn't talk much too. He is always closed about his feelings. But whatever it is, once he trusts in one person, he will make sure that person feels home with him. I am sure you are the same with Jungkook. I understand you don't know me. I understand that this might feel weird but it's okay to let people into your life. At least, start trusting that there are good people in this world.
Start trusting me." he said.
I trust him. I dunno why but I trust him. I am not sure whether to trust me around him.
"I haven't been this desperate to get anyone's friendship before. I have never bothered myself with other's issue unless they are my people. But for some reason, I want to be there for you guys. I am sure I can be a good friend or brother. I want you guys to be my people." he said and sighed to himself.
He continued "God! I sound too desperate. Don't I?" he just covered his face with his both hands.

"Can we stop walking for a bit?" I asked.
"Sure." We walked to the edge of the bridge and looking down at the river stream under the bridge.
"Hyung?"
"Hmm?" he said looking straight at the river.
"I am sorry."
"You don't have to apologi.."
"No hyung." I didn't let him finish. "I am sorry for not being more friendly with you. I am sorry for not showing my gratitude. I am sorry for not understanding how you felt. I was just scared for various reasons."
He didn't respond. I figured I had to continue.
"I was scared that you won't stick around for long. I am always scared. I am ways terrified that one day I am going to lose Kook and Namjoon Hyung as well. I have always been unlucky that way hyung. I decided to never make anymore friends or never get closer to anyone. I decided to spare myself from all the pain. I was also terrified that you might judge if I..." I hesitated. No one except kook and Namjoon Hyung know that I am gay. Is this is the right moment to let Jin know about it?
"Judge you? If you what?" he was looking directly at me. His eyes meeting my eyes. I knew I can't stop myself from now. I either tell him the truth and let him run away now or hide it from him and let him stay for bit longer.
"If you know that I am gay. I am gay hyung."
.
.
.
There was a complete silence.
.
.
.
He is going to leave. Definite.

"You thought I will judge you for being gay?"
"Yes."
"Did you not once think I am better than that?"
" I... did. But..."
"I am glad you chose to be open with me V. I am proud of you for being this strong. I can see that you have been through lots in your life. Yet, you are here facing all these demons. I am very proud of you. I am not very familiar with LGBTQ world but I am sure you can enlighten me." He smiled.
All I could do was to cry. I didn't realise I started to cry until he asked me not to.
"Hey... Don't cry. I will always be there for you. We are not going anywhere."
He slowly moved closer to me and hugged me. For once, I didn't care for anything. I just wanted to stay in his arms forever. If only, that was a possibility.