Supernatural x reader oneshots and imagines

I know (cas x reader)

So I added some stuff to this that's why I'm reposting. I recommend re-reading before reading part two.

Spoilers for season 12 finale!! And talk about cutting. If this triggers you DONT READ!!

Your P.O.V.

I haven't spoken in over a day, haven't said a word. If the boys ask me a question I just nod my head. Im broken, I watched Cas die infront of me, and then the boy he died for just runs away.

We found him though, his name is Jack. Says that Cas was gonna be his father raise him to do the right thing. I believe him, Cas would have. But now we have to...... I feel so broken, so helpless, I just watched my best friend die, the man I love died right infront of me. Not that he knew that of course. No one knew. He was and angle an I was just me. Besides he didn't like me like that, I wasn't good enough for him anyways.

I walked into the kitchen to see Dean wrapping Cas' body. I saw that he was crying, so I got a glass and put my hand on his shoulder, he looked up at me and I looked at his eyes. They where bloodshot and glassy I picked up the hand with a glass in it silently asking two things. 'Got any whiskey?' And 'you wanna drink with me' He nodded understanding what I was saying then went to go get the whiskey. Before we drank we decided we should burn the bodys. I flicked the lighter onto the pile and then headed inside. Not willing to watch him burn.

Me and Dean drank for a bit and he got drunk, really drunk. Out of no where he started questioning me, "Why aren't you talking? Hm? I know its hard now that Cas is gone but don't you think were suffering too? Your don't eveN GET IT Y/N!! YOU HAVEN'T- YOU DONT EVEN- YOU DONT GET WHAT ME AND SAM ARE GOIGN THREW!! HE WAS LIKE A BROTHER TO US! HE WASNT LIKE THAT TO YOU!!!" Dean had slowly gotten louder as he went on, at one point he had to stop so he could get his words together so they would make sense. I sat there silently crying my eyes out while shaking slightly, it always scared me when dean was angry and drunk. It reminded me of John when he was drunk, and he would come home always angry and smelling heavily of alcohol. If it was ever to bad he would hit me, sometimes even going at dean. We where twins but I was the eldest, I was always held to a higher standard. Sam had walked in in the middle of dean yelling, he saw how dean was affecting me and tried to step in, "Dean come one man Y/N an-" dean cut him off "SHUT IT SAMMY! THEY WEREN'T AS CLOSE AS WE WHERE AND YOU KNOW IT!" Dean once again looked at me "YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAD! YOU DON'T GET IT Y/N!!"

That was it I had had enough. I threw my glass against the wall behind me watching it shatter and then turned to face dean.
"Yes I do Dean! I just watched my best friend die. The MAN I LOVE DIE! AND YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME I DONT GET IT!! MY HEART WAS RIPPED OUT AND THEN STOMPED ON! AND THEN I WATCHED OUR MOTHER DIE AND NOW I HAVE TO SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO YOUR DRUNK ASS YELL AT ME AND REMIND ME OF ALL THE TIMES DAD DID THE SAME! SO DONT YOU FUCKING TELL ME I DONT UNDERSTAND! I AM BREAKING HERE DEAN, AND I DOn't need you to help speed that process up..... I loved him dean, and now I have his blood on my hands and on my clothes and I have the burns of his wings on my body because I held him when he died. His death is literally and figuratively,- on me."

By the time I was finished I had collapsed onto the floor and was now sobbing silently staring at my hands and the blood of my best friend...of the love of my life. I lifted my shirt to show the boys the burns.

When Cas was dying I pulled him into my lap. I had his back against my lower stomach and my legs on ether side of his body. He tried to push me away, and now I know because he new I would be scorched by his wings but I didn't care. So now on part of my legs and going up part of my torso and my shoulder where his scorched wing marks.

Flash back

"Cas!" I screamed when he stepped back threw the tear of space in time.