[You Have No Idea]

13

My eyes flickered around, trying to avoid her, trying to find a way out of this situation.

Her thumb carefully brushed over my hurt eye and her brows furrowed.

" I talked to Rose. "

Now she examined my cuts.

" She told me, that something was wrong and that you want to protect me from something. "

She pushed me against a wall, when I tried to escape her grip.

" You know I'm an adult right? I can take care of myself.."

She sighed deeply and I couldn't tell, if it was out of relief or annoyance.
I got tense again.

"You didn't reply to my texts or answer my calls. I was so afraid. You can't imagine how I felt, when I found out you turned up yesterday.. I don't know what happened and I'm afraid you're not going to tell me either. But I can see that something did happen."

I closed my eyes and tried to shrink down as much as possible.

"Why won't you let me help you? "

Her fingers slowly caressed my face.

" I excused you from school today. You need rest."

" No I don't. "

I opened my eyes again and held her gaze for about half a second.

"Stop lying. Please. You don't have to tell me everything, but please stop lying... Can we make that a deal? I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, but you'll stop lying?!"

" Alright."

She kissed my forehead.

" I'm glad you're okay, atleast kind of. Now come."

First period had started already while she held my hand and I followed her back to the teachers lounge.
But she didn't stop or let go in front of it. She brought me inside with her and pulled me towards a desk. Hers I assumed.

There were only a few teachers left, all either ignoring me or shooting me warm smiles. Rose stood next to Snows desk and at her feet stood a bag that looked suspiciously a lot like mine.

" Hey Katie!"

"Morning Mrs Dix."

My voice was numb, while I continued to eye my surroundings with caution.

Snow whispered something into her ear and I took a small step back.
Not lying might actually become a drag.

Mrs Dix suddenly touched my arm and came closer to whisper something to me.

"You didn't tell me, that she already is your girl."

" She's not .. anymore."
I answered just as silently.

" Hm I think she might feel different about that. "

I blushed and turned away, while Mrs Dix started laughing.
That woman.

Snow lifted her own and my bag.

"Ready to go?"

My stomach clenched and flipped.
Mrs Dix was patting my arm and then pushed me gently towards Snow.

And we left.

"I can carry my own bag.."

" But you shouldn't. "

" Stop treating me like a baby."

She froze in the middle of the parking lot.

" How about YOU stop treating me like one?!"

" That's not .. that's not my intention! "

" Yeah, but that's what you're doing. Again and again."

She dropped our bags in the car and we got inside. She drove off without another word. I could feel her anger brewing just beneath the surface and it didn't exactly ease my fear.

We went to her place again and I tensed even more. That wasn't fair.
She dragged me and the bags inside, but let them fall as soon as the door closed behind us.
Then she pulled me into her arms again.
And she held me and caressed my back.

While whispering the softest reassurances and the sweetest nothingnesses.

She wasn't angry at all. She had forgiven me all the times I ignored her, all the times I hadn't let her in.

And my walls started breaking down, until I collapsed in her arms. Sobbing for myself and sobbing for her.

"There you are..."

She carried me into the bathroom, which I fled as soon as she sat me down.
I couldn't take this as long as I was this vulnerable.

Snow looked at me strangely but brought a bowl of water and a towel to the living room.
She was washing off the make-up and put some creme on my wounds.

Then she made us sandwiches and tea.
While I started eating immediately, she kept watching me.

" Were those the only places she hurt you?"

" Yes."

" And that's the truth? "

I stopped.

" Well she .. a bottle hit my shin and .. but that's whatever, it doesn't hurt."

"She threw something at you again? How can she ... I don't understand..
And what else? You said and.."

" And you said I only have to say the truth, but not everything. "

" I'm sorry. I just want to make sure you're okay. "

"I -" I stopped recognising I was about to lie again.

"Is this because of what I said? "

" I guess, but she would have done it regardless. It's not your fault. It's probably mine."

" NO, it's not your fault. Your mother did this. She's the only one that's responsible for anything. "

Her sudden outbreak had scared me for a second and I froze.