[You Have No Idea]

14

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get so loud."

She came closer and put her arm around my shoulders.

"What do I have to do for you to call me Hannah again?"

"That's not a fair question. I don't know either."

"You're right, sorry.. How about we take a nap, when you're done?"

"I'm not tired."

She chuckled sadly.

" I know. "

I finished all the sandwiches by myself and then let her pull me into bed with her.
But I couldn't let go. Lying in bed, while feeling the presence of someone else, had something that made me uncomfortable to my bones.

" Katie?"

I got up and left. And of course she followed me.

" I can't. I'm sorry."

" No, it's fine. Are you okay?"

I started pacing again. Moving is a way to relief stress. And the stress was crawling into my lungs at that moment.

"You're walking in circles again.. Katie what's going on? Is this my fault?"

" No no, I'm sorry I just can't do this right now. "

" And you're not gonna tell me why.."

" Snow, I don't know. "

She flinched at her name but didn't say anything about it.

"Why do you think you have to protect me? "

" Because I do."

" What does that mean?!"

I ran my hands through my hair, trying to find words.

" You .. I.. no you don't know. You don't know. "

" Okay, I don't need to, come here. It's okay"

I walked into her arms against my instincts and felt her kissing my head.

" Thank you. "

It came out dry and almost sarcastic.

" I love you Katie. And I'll always protect you."

" Please stop saying that. "

" You don't believe me, right?.. Okay, do you want me to go to the police? "

" What? NO! You can't do that.."

" But keeping you here isn't legal either. Your mother could make them believe I kidnapped you. "

" Then just let me go back.."

She held me tighter.

" No no, how can you say that.. I can't let you go again. She's hurting you just because she wants to. I can't let you get hurt."

" Yeah, I understand. "

" If we .. go to the police.. maybe I can make them let you live with me. There's nothing to be afraid then..."

Now I hugged her tighter, slightly shaking my head.
She started stroking my head.
Then the door bell rang.

My hand immediately cramped into her.

" Hey, it's fine. Let me check who it is.."

I let her go, but not without hesitating.
She went and looked through the spy. In the next heartbeat I had joined her and looked outside as well.

It was Mrs Dix. I sighed and stepped back.

Snow let her in.

" Hello again you two."

" Rose! What a surprise."

They hugged like old friends and she gave me a motherly kiss on the cheek.

" So what are you doing here?"

Snow led her into the living room.

"Adams let me leave early. I don't know what's getting into him lately. "

She sat down on the armchair and Snow asked her, if she wanted something to drink.

"No, I'm good. He probably wanted me to check on his favourite new teacher, who's calling in sick again."

"Favourite teacher... for sure. "

I was painfully aware of how the atmosphere had completely shifted, when this became two teachers and a student talking. It made me even more uncomfortable. I stood next to the wall awkwardly, not wanting to be part of the discussion.

But now Snows eyes wandered to me and softened.
She patted next to herself on the couch and I knew I didn't have much of a choice.
So I sat next to her.

Rose smiled at us.
Then I remembered that my makeup was off and tried to hide my face in Snows sweater.
I felt them having a silent conversation and fought the urge to leave.

"I'm gonna address the elephant in the room.. Katie, I'm not going to tell anyone. It's alright. "

Something in Mrs Dix tone made me even more agitated than before. I turned to her and snapped at her:
"What? What are you not gonna tell anyone? What did Snow tell you?"

I distanced from both of them. Snow had betrayed my trust and Dix got into this without me wanting it.
It's not like I wanted Snow or anyone to know, but Snow found out herself and atleast she kind of knew me.

They looked at each other and I got up.

"Katie, I didn't say anything. Rose found it out on her own. She just wants to help."

My eyes flickered back and forth between them.

"Kat I didn't mean to-"

I got goosebumps instantly and for a moment the world blurred.

"DON'T.. call me that.."

"I'm sorry. I.."

Mrs Snow got up now too and tried to come closer to comfort me.
But I only backed away.

"Katie you're scared and that's okay. I understand, but this is making anything worse. It's fine..."

"Stop trying to reason with me. This is not a problem you can solve with logic."

"Then how? How do we solve it?"

"I DON'T KNOW... give me a minute.."

I left both of them and stumbled to the kitchen, where I walked in circles for a few minutes.
Then Snow was knocking quietly on the door frame.

"Do you want her to go?"