[You Have No Idea]

19

I never met any of those people. But my heart was aching so hard, I wanted to crash my fist into a wall.
This was the weirdest feeling.
I knew who ever I dreamt to be, loved that girl, fell in love with that girl on that evening. But I also knew that she died.

This was so wild, like a love story, book worthy, that I just made up in my fucking head while I was sleeping.

Then I finally came back to reality, I was sitting. The room was dark. My breathing was flat and fast. I let out a deep sigh and immediately regretted it. Snow started shifting next to me and was blindly reaching for my hand.

She mumbled:
"Katie? What's up? .. Come back.."

Her hands dragged me back down next to her and she sighed as well. She kissed my neck and her hands started wandering up and down my sides until one of them slipped underneath my shirt, travelling higher.

I jumped out of the bed within a heart beat.
The water started crushing down on me like thunder.
The empty eyes were burning right through my skull.
I was shaking completely, while I slowly backed away from the bed.

Snow took some time to process. Her eyes were still closed but her brows furrowed. Then she opened them, starring at the empty space in front of her.

They wandered towards me. I was pressed against a wall by now. Like a dear in headlights, frozen but panicking.

She moved to sit up and I took the chance and ran out of the room, through the hallway and right out the front door. I managed to grab my jacket, but left my shoes without thinking.

"KATIE?"

She was panicking. But I ran down the street in complete panic too.
She couldn't do that to me. She couldn't, she couldn't, she couldn't.

The world was a blurr and wondered how I managed to run, when everything was shaking and shattering around me.

My socks were soaked and the cold already sent a stabbing pain through my body with every step I took. My heavy breath formed giant white clouds, that I left behind as soon as I let them out.

I could still feel her warm hands on my skin. Underneath my shirt. Just like ..

Another shot of adrenaline ran through me and forced me to go even faster.

My lungs were slowly freezing and gave in to the ice spikes.
Somehow I managed to put on my jacket.
The world was still turning and shaking and giving me hell. My legs got weaker and wobbly.

Then a car came up from behind me. I picked up speed again, desperately looking for an escape route.
My body was protesting furiously.

I heard how it stopped and a door got ripped open.

"KATIE!!"

She had been crying and the realization let my legs give in. I fell into the white cold.
Footsteps came running to me, while I struggled to get up again.

When I finally stood again, she wrapped her arms around me.

"Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie, it's okay, okay, okay, okay, calm down, I'm here, Katie, Katie, Katie."

She sounded like a maniac while I felt like one, still trying to escape from her grip. I heard her sobbing, while she used all her strength to bring me back to the car.

But I couldn't cry, I was still fighting.

She pushed me on the back seats and immediately closed the door, looking both of them. I had no way to escape and curled up in a ball.

She drove us back while talking to me, but I didn't hear a word. I held my head with my arms and pulled my legs against my body.

When we were back at her place she opened the door slowly and started caressing me. I was still shaking and heard her sniffing. She was saying something again too but I refused to listen.

Snow pushed her arms under me and lifted me into her arms. She brought me inside on the sofa. When I finally left my state of curling up in fear, I stumbled to the next corner.

She was crying again, while watching me intensively.

"Katie, what did she do to you? Katie .."

And in that moment I saw how her eyes changed when she understood..

The world was falling apart in front of me.

"I'm so sorry.."

She came closer with a huge fluffy blanket and let me hide under it. But she sat next to me, crying silently.

"How did I not see? I'm sorry. I should have known, I'm such an idiot.."

We spent some time like this until it got really quiet.
I had calmed down a bit.
The world wasn't shaking anymore.

I dug my head out of the blanket and stared in the dark for a moment. Then slowly leaned against her.

I knew my voice was going to break once again but I needed her to know..

"Thank you for saving me,
Hanna. "