[You Have No Idea]

5

Snow was holding a book in front of us with one hand, reading it over my shoulder.
I glanced at her and saw her concentrated expression hiding behind a pair of glasses.

"Cute."

I had spoken without thinking too much about it, even though it was more of a whisper.
She looked at me and smiled brightly.

"Thanks. But you're much cuter. Good morning by the way. "

She closed the book and took off her glasses.

"Noooo..."

She chuckled at my protest and kissed my cheek.

"Are you as hungry as I am?"

"Yeah."

I excused myself for the bathroom while she walked straight into the kitchen.

We had some spaghetti and a delicious pudding for dinner.
She was cooking all alone, while I could only watch her. It made me strangely reminiscent.

But after that, she became serious.

"We need to talk .."

I stared at the empty plates, trying to surpress my urge to flee.

"Do your parents know where you are? Or that you're safe?"

My parents ..

".. no she doesn't know, but that's fine."

"What happened after.. ?"

"You left? .. a lot .."

My hands were shaking.
A lot happened, my father died suddenly, my brother ran away from home and my mom started drinking in her despair. She hated me for being the only one, that was left. And she showed it.

Snow grabbed my hands and I could feel her searching for answers in my face.

"Did your mother throw that bottle?"

I pulled away and got up. I couldn't stay here anymore, she knew so much already. I hurried to the front door with burning eyes and wobbly legs.

"Katie-"

She was following me quickly and came just in time to hold the door shut, trapping me inside. I pressed myself against it.

"I'm sorry. Calm down... I'm not going to hurt you.."

My breath came shaky and it wasn't easy to not just stop.

"Yes, she did."
I whispered.

"Why?"
She whispered as well.

"Because she hates me."

"Why would she hate you?"

"Because I'm the only one left. I'm the only one that's left to hate. "

"Listen .. I'm going to let you go, we'll sit down and you'll tell me the whole story.. alright?"

"I can't .. tell you that, Mrs Snow.."

I was trying to remind her of our distance.

"Then tell Hanna. Come now.."

She let go, grabbed my hand and led me back to the sofa.
I was tense and my mouth dry.
She tipped my chin up until our eyes met.

"Tell me what happened.. tell Hanna. I'm here, love."

"I .. uhh, he .. well .."

My eyes flickered through the room trying to find the words.

"Shh, keep going, it's alright. "

"Mrs .. I-"

"Hanna. It's me. Remember.."

She cupped my cheeks and our lips met. For a moment it felt like coming home, then she pulled away and whispered again:
"Tell me. What happened. "

"Dad died.. Connor ran away, Mom .. started drinking.."

My eyes were shut tightly when I finally let it out.

"Okay.."

She sounded like she was in pain, but connected our lips again. Staying like this, she let me linger as long as I wanted, as long as I needed, to open my eyes again.
I pulled away just a tiny bit, our lips still brushing against each other.

"Thank you. You did well. "

She pushed my head into her shoulder and held me for a long time.

" Did she ever hurt you?"

And again, I couldn't lie.

" I should have been there for you. I'm sorry. "

" No, it's okay. "

" And you moved houses too, that must have been hell."

"Why did you bring me here? It was just a bottle.."

"No one throws bottles at people that enter through the front door.. with a key... except when they're seriously trying to hurt them..
Why were you so tired in school?"

"..couldn't sleep. "

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"Was it because of her?"

"No."

"Why are you lying?"

"I'm not."

She had let go and was now desperately searching for my eyes.

"But if feels like you are.."

"..."

"What else does she do? ... Katiiie? .. You can tell me .."

"She- "

The words got stuck in my throat, I've never even thought them. It was so painful, I just blocked it out. I never called it, what it actually was, not even in the absolute privacy of my own thoughts  ..
A shiver ran through my whole body. Enough. It had been enough for today. I'm not going to think about it. Not even now. And so I pushed the memories back into the tiny little box they belonged in.

"I'm just worried, love.."

"No need to. I'm fine now. With you here."

She kissed my forehead again and pulled me closer.

"And I'm not gonna leave you again. I promise."