[You Have No Idea]

23

Here you go my chickens. Almost ended this with "Connor." again... haahh the struggle XD

An hour went by without me really noticing it. Just me and her and her arms around me.

No message from Rose. Hanna tried to lighten the mood with jokes and games, while I just stared into the distance most of the time. I must have given her a hard time.

"Did you know it?"

She caught my attention.
..
"Did you know that Connor was going to run away? Did he say anything to you about it?"

I shook my head.

"He was just gone, one day.. he left a note for me.. saying he was going to be okay.. and I believed him."

"Why did he leave?.. Did your mother hurt him too?"

"Not like .. that.. she only started drinking around that time, but I guess I wasn't there for him enough.. he must have felt like we left him alone.."

"It is not your fault Katie... Is he the type of person who would do something like that? Running away?"

"Yeah. He always.. was pretty stubborn. He had ideas like that all the time."

Her eyes flickered to my trembling lips for a moment. A light crease formed on her forehead.

"He's gonna be alright.."

I knew disagreeing wasn't what I wanted, but it still was my first instinct. I struggled for a while to find words, but got interrupted.

There was a knock. We looked around with equally confused expressions. After all we were alone in the house.

Then another one.

Hanna got up and tried to make out where it was coming from.

She finally found herself next to the window and her hand flew to cover her open mouth when she looked outside.

I hurried over since she seemed quite shocked, frozen like that.
But I understood soon enough.

"That can't be.."

I ripped open the window and pulled my obviously hurt brother into my arms.

"Thank god-"

My voice broke when warmth flooded my body. He was safe, he was safe, he was safe.

But some one softly called my name from far away. Too far away.

Connor.. as soon as I listened to that voice, there was nothing left of him besides darkness and heat. I was alone and he wasn't safe.

It had been a dream..
I swallowed bitterly and opened my eyes.

Atleast I was still in someones arms...

"Hey, are you alright? You were .. sobbing.."

"Ya, I'm always alright.... I.. I had a dream. About Connor.... Did somebody knock?"

She looked at me with a serious expression. Contemplating something.

"No, but I-"

The doorbell cut her short, like it always does. This time it was the real thing. No knocking, but a real ringing. I wasted no time, jumped out of her embrace and ran to tear open the door.

Only to face my mother.
I starred at her in blank horror while she just stared back, like she had expected me exactly here. Where she had found me now. Like she had known all this time.

I expected pain. A hit, screaming.. anger.. but nothing. She just pushed herself past me without a word.

The front door shut itself again and I still stood there. Her footsteps walked away from me towards living room.

My skin was burning and breathing felt like drinking. The air had become thick water and had to be swallowed forcefully.

"Mrs Johansson.. I- what.. what are you doing here?!"

"Kathrine. Come here."

She seemed... sober? There was no slurring in her words. No hesitation or a slightly off volume.

My legs betrayed me again and brought me to where she had sat down in a chair. Hanna was half standing half sitting.. like she couldn't decide. Her face was alarmed, but not as out of control as I felt.

"Sit."

Something told me, there was something very wrong.
I couldn't move.

"I said sit!"

This time there was an edge in her voice that gave me enough reason to slowly sit down next to Hanna. She had signed me to do so. Her hands immediately held me by my hip and her smell steadied me a bit.

My insides where shaking and my eyes were glued to that woman sitting across. Her hair was out of place, her eyes sunken in.
But she seemed far to calm.

That person wasn't the one I've been living with the last couple of months. She reminded me a bit of who she was before the world fell apart. She reminded me of my mom.

I had never expected to see her again. But here she was. Sitting in silence. In my teachers appartment.

"Relax, I just want to talk."

"What is this about?"

Hanna slightly leaned in between us and I could feel her going into protection mode.

My mother hesitated.

"Connor."

She slowly pulled out a piece of paper from her jackets pocket, put it down on the table and pushed it towards us.