[You Have No Idea]

25

It was an official police report. Black and white.

"Katherine.. it's true. He's dead."

Hanna took the paper and started reading it feverishly.

The world turned cold around me.

"But he knocked on the window just a few minutes ago. He was here just a- a.. A FEW MINUTES AGO!"

Hanna pulled on my shirt. My mother had a blank expression.

"So you're going just as crazy as I am... Good to know. .. I'll text you the funeral date."

She stood up and walked right out of the front door.

The shaking had left me. There was absolutely nothing. No tears no burning no urge to run. Nothing.

Hanna had put the paper down and stared at me. I could feel the worry seeping out of her.

"Katie...?"
..
"Katie she's telling the truth."

"You can't hurt me. None of you."

"No one is trying to.. hurt you.."

She shifted and pulled some more.

"He climbed on a train.. the high voltage cables above sent a flash through him and killed him."

I just shook my head.

"Nonsense."

She held the paper for me to read. And it clearly stated his name and what she just told me. There was a signature and a stamp with the police logo.

"Why are you all doing this to me Hanna?"

"Katie, it is the truth.."

I looked at her with pain in my eyes.

"I thought I could trust you.."

"Why won't you believe me? It's still Hanna.. I'm not lying, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm here... you can trust me.."

Her hand cupped my cheek.

"He was not here earlier. That was in your dream. He's not going to come back... He's not gonna knock."

I stared in disbelief. I was stuck. We were both stuck. Living in different realities.

"Katie.. I'm sorry.."

"What for?"

"You lost another person you held dear.. and no one could do a thing.."

"What are you talking about? Nothing happened?"

Her eyes narrowed and scanned me a few times.

"I know it hurts to accept- to even think about it, but you're scaring me right now.. This looks bad.. like you're in deep shock.... Come here.."

Hanna slowly pulled me into her arms.

We stayed like that for a while, but it didn't change how I felt in any way.

"I have to clean up."

She let me go but followed me to the kitchen, where I poured the water from the glasses back into the sink. One by one, with a ridiculous calmness.

I put them all back where they belonged after drying them. Then I washed the dishes I used for cooking, dryed them and put them back.

After everything was done my legs started shaking out of nowhere. I stared down at them, confused and pissed. A bottle crashed into a wall some place far away and they gave in.

Hanna caught me before I hit the ground.

Now the shaking was everywhere. My eyes started burning and tearing up.

"Why is this happening?!"

"That's alright. It's just you processing. I got you."

"There's nothing to process.."

My voice had faded to a whisper and I knew I was on the brink of doubting myself now.

"You're going to be fine Katie.."

We walked over to the good old couch and my mind started wandering off. Hanna couldn't hold it here.

I felt hopeless, powerless. Like someone took it all away. I closed my eyes and minimized the space I could take up. Then I slowly let go.

..

I found darkness when I woke up.

"Katie?"

This time I wasn't alone.

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm always alright."

Her fingertips traced my jawline and then went through my hair carefully.

"Rose and Rosie were here. They.. gave their condolences and will be there for you if you need them.."

"What did the police tell them?"

"Apparently there was a long discussion, since they couldn't prove that they were related with him so at first they got refused.

They kept trying and actually got quite upset until one of the officers warmed up to them and discreetly gave them a copy of that paper.."

"Sounds like they did a lot for nothing.."

"They just wanted to help. And obviously were just as shocked as we were. They care Katie.."

She kissed my cheek. Her hand searched for mine to intertwine our fingers and kiss them. I felt her hovering above me.

"You know, whenever you look at me, even in the dark like this, I always feel like the sun just hit my face. "

I couldn't suppress a smile.

"Please never stop looking at me, love."

My body used all his strength to get me close enough to kiss her nose.

"I won't. "

She collapsed on top of me, careful to not put all her weight on me and started breathing on my neck.
I got ghoosebumps.

I'm on a streak rn, that's why you're getting fed well my chickens .. ain't gonna be the norm..