irondad & spiderson oneshots

xxiv. malibu nights

tony-centric<3

There's no reason, there's no rhyme,

I found myself blindsided by,

A feeling that I've never known,

I'm dealing with it on my own,

Tony squeezes his eyes shut as he slides down the wall in his workshop, clutching his bottle of bourbon. Everyone had left him and he was so so alone.

Phone is quiet, walls are bare,

I drink myself to sleep, who cares?

Tony takes a swig from the bottle, trying to drown out his thoughts. He was breaking inside and he'd never felt this way before.

No one even has to know,

I'm dealing with it on my own,

Tony wants someone to help him. He wants someone to tell him that everything's gonna be okay. But he knows it won't be.

I got way too much time to be this hurt,

Somebody help, it's getting worse,

A sob rips from his throat and he misses his team. He misses his fiancé. Ex-fiancé. He doesn't want to be alone.

What do you do with a broken heart?

Once the light fades everything is dark,

His chest hurts more than when he got the arc reactor. It hurt more than the torture he'd endured in Afghanistan.

Way too much whiskey in my blood,

I feel my body giving up,

It couldn't be healthy, the amount of alcohol he'd consumed in just one night. He was on his, what? Sixth bottle?

Can I hold on for another night?

What do I do with all this time?

He doesn't know if he wants to keep on living anymore. He just wants the pain to stop but he doesn't have the courage to ed it on his own. Steve should have killed him in Siberia.

Every thought when it gets late,

Puts me in a fragile state,

He knows his thoughts are dangerous but he can't find it in himself to care about his own wellbeing.

I wish I wasn't going home,

Dealing with it on my own,

He wishes so bad that things could go back to the way they were before the whole accords fiasco. Before Barnes. He's selfish to wish that Barnes had died when he was supposed to.

I'm praying but it's not enough,

I'm done, I don't believe in love,

Pepper said he wasn't the same and she couldn't be with him anymore. He still missed her with everything in him.

Learning how to let it go,

Dealing with it on my own,

I got way too much time to be this hurt,

Somebody help, it's getting worse,

He cries out, thinking back on the good memories with his friends. Ex-friends. He wants them all back no matter how much he'd never admit it.

What do you do with a broken heart?

Once the light fades everything is dark,

Tony feels tears streaming down his face as he takes another drink, his vision doubling for a moment. He hadn't slept in nearly four days and it was catching up to him.

Way too much whiskey in my blood,

I feel my body giving up,

Tony looks down at the half empty bottle and takes a long drink, not caring that he's probably killing himself with blood poisoning.

Can I hold on for another night?

What do I do with all this time?

Tony grips the bottle tightly, wanting to shatter the glass and cut himself open and watch the blood fall. But that'd be a stupid cowardly way to go for the great Tony Stark.

I drive circles under streetlights,

Nothing seems to clear my mind,

I can't forget, it's inside my head, so,

I drive, chasing Malibu nights,

Nothing seems to heal my mind,

I can't forget,

Tony wants to walk over and get in his car and drive off a fucking cliff. That would be so much better than sitting here and being miserable. But he knows Friday would lock up the garage if he tried to drive like this.

I got way too much time to be this hurt,

Somebody help, it's getting worse,

He glares at the abandoned gear on his tables he'd been working on before the whole accords ordeal. Clint's arrows, Natasha's Widows bite, etc.

What do you with a broken heart?

Once the light fades everything is dark,

He rubs his hand over the bruises on his chest where Steve's shield had slammed into him repeatedly. He can't help but wish that Steve had aimed a little higher and just fucking killed him.

Way too much whiskey in my blood,

I feel my body giving up,

Tony takes another swig, glaring at the almost empty bottle. Even his alcohol was leaving him. He lets out a bitter laugh at the thought.

Can I hold on for another night?

What do I do with all this time?

How was he supposed live the rest of his life this way? How was he supposed to throw on that Tony Stark mask again and pretend he wasn't broken inside?

I drive circles under streetlights,

Nothing seems to clear my mind,

I can't forget, it's inside my head,

Tony starts laughing about his situation but it quickly turns to sobs and he drops his head onto his knees, crying his heart out.

I drive chasing Malibu nights,

Nothing seems to heal my mind,

I can't forget,

He finishes the bottle and stands up, stumbling into his workbench. He drops it and it shatters on the ground. He wobbles over to his stash and grabs another bottle, opening it and downing a few gulps. He slides back to the ground so so alone.

I drive chasing Malibu nights.