irondad & spiderson oneshots

xxxvii. pickles

Ok so those of you that read my group chats story you know where this is going

Peter sighs as he looks out at the empty streets. He never thought he'd be sad because there's no crime before. He groans and flops backward onto the roof he's perched on.

"Karen, are you sure there isn't anything?" He whines. "No Peter. It seems that there is no criminal activity in the city tonight." His AI responds. He rolls his eyes. He squints up at the stars, trying to think of something to do.

Did May need anything? Oh yeah! Groceries! He has his wallet with him in case of emergencies. He'd learned countless times to stop leaving it in his bags because they kept getting stolen.

He swings off the the nearest grocery store and suddenly realizes maybe going into the store as Spider-Man wouldn't be such a good idea. But his clothes are so far away... ah who's gonna care?

He jumps down from the roof, almost faceplanting. He stumbles a bit but steadies himself with wide eyes, looking around to make sure nobody saw that. Then he dusts himself off and walks into Walmart.

The employee standing at the entrance's eyes widen so much Peter almost feels bad. Peter simply waves and keeps walking. "What do we need?" He mumbles.

Then he realizes he might need a cart. Nah, he's Spider-Man. He's got this. He hears a high pitcher screech and spins around with wide eyes. There's a young girl clutching her mother's hand with wide eyes.

"Oh my gosh! Are you Spider-Man?!" She screeches in delight. He grins. "Uh, y-yes I am." He stutters. The mom looks just as awed. "Could you take a picture with us?" She begs.

"Oh sure!" He agrees happily and the woman shakily pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of them. "See ya!" He calls walking off. Then he walks down the fruits and vegetable aisle.

"Aha!" He exclaims. This is the kind of stuff that May would want (ew). He looks longingly at the snack aisle but starts grabbing healthy looking stuff. He grabs some apples and carrots and then lettuce. Lettuce just seems like the right thing to buy.

Then he spots pickles and his eyes widen in delight. He skips over and grabs like five jars of pickles because he loves pickles and May love pickles. For good measure he grabs one more.

He struggles to carry it all, but keeps going. "What else do we need?" He mumbles, looking around. "Chicken nuggets!" He gasps, sprinting off to the meat aisle. He doesn't spare a second glance at the bewildered civilians in his wake. He grabs three bags of frozen chicken nuggets and balances everything in his arms.

He's so glad he's sticky. He then begins walking to the check out. He's vaguely aware of the shocked and confused whispers around him.

"Is that Spider-Man?"

"Nah, that's some cosplayer."

"What kind of superhero needs that many pickles?"

"See mom, even Spider-Man has chicken nuggets!"

He chuckles at that last one and makes it to the check out line. And empty one thankfully. He then very gracefully dumps everything onto the conveyor belt. The shocked cashier then rings everything up, stopping for a second to stare at the large amount of pickles.

Then she puts it all in bags and mutters "34.47 $." (You better be proud of me I used google and I did math and that's how much it would actually cost so boom) in complete shock. He hands her the correct amount of money and maneuvers all of the bags onto his arms. He waves goodbye to her and leaves the store, shooting a web and swinging off.

Then he wonders how in the hell he was going to not drop everything. Then he hears a meow and stops moving. His eyes widen in horror when he realizes he stopped moving.

He narrowly misses slamming into a brick building, and then drops down to the alley below. He looks around for the cat he's sure he heard and hears the meow again. He inches over and sees an adorable fluffy black cat sitting in a box.

It looks kind of skinny so he decides to feed it. He doesn't feel like digging anything out of the bottom of the bags, so he pulls out the head of lettuce and tosses it to the cat. "There, eat some veggies." He urges.

The cat looks so done with Peter. Peter frowns. "What? You're picky? Fine." He mutters, digging around in the bag. It promptly falls from his hands and he gasps when a pickle jar falls out.

He sighs in relief when it doesn't break. The cat sniffs the jar though and looks up at him. Peter narrows his eyes. "You're lucky I'm nice." He huffs, picking it up and opening it.

She waggles it in front of the cat's face and it bats it out of Peter's hands, eating all of them. Peter's eyes widen after every hue the cat takes. "Damn." He whispers.

"Okay you need a name. What about... Jeff?" He ponders. The cat meows at him. "Uh, Warren?" He suggests. The cat meows again. "Murphy?" He asks. "Charlie?" He's running out of ideas and the cat looks mad.

"Uh, sunshine? Okay heck no." He mutters. The cat simply meows at him. "You still hungry? You want more pickles?" He questions. The cat meows, getting closer. Peter sighs and feeds the cat another half jar.

He shakes his head at the cat. "You're gonna regret eating those later." He warns. He huffs out a laugh. "Pickles." He murmurs. The cat rubs against his leg and purs when he says that.

Peter's eyes widen. "Pickles?" He asks in astonishment. The cat meows. Peter laughs. "Pickles!" He exclaims. The cat continues rubbing against his leg. May and him had been talking about getting a pet recently...

he picks up Pickles and cringes when he accidentally finds out he's a boy. "Okay you're gonna have to just like share a bag with the apples okay?" He mutters, tucking the cat in there and holding him to his chest just in case.

Then he swings home to text the Avengers all about his cat.