honestly who tf knows by now. TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS
And I wanted you to be better.
Peter didn't know how to be better. Ever since his mentor had uttered those words, they'd stuck in his head.
How was he supposed to be better than Iron Man himself? Than his role model, his hero?
And I wanted you to be better.
It stung, as Peter realized that Mister Stark was basically saying he wasn't good enough.
How was he supposed to be better? How was he supposed to be enough?
And I wanted you to be better.
Most nights, Peter lied awake, staring at the ceiling as he wondered what he was supposed to do.
What was he supposed to do? How was he supposed to improve? Why couldn't he ever be good enough?
And I wanted you to be better.
"I'm trying." Peter sobbed into his pillow once. He was always trying.
Every time he made a mistake, every time he was a failure, he knew he could never be better. He could never be what Mister Stark wanted him to be, who he wanted him to be.
And I wanted you to be better.
When Peter messed up, when he failed to save a civilian, when he let a bad guy away, all that was on his mind was how disappointed his mentor would be.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not good enough, I'm sorry I'm not better." Peter screamed into the night sky as he perched on a roof one night.
And I wanted you to be better.
Nobody ever responded to his cries, nobody ever told poor Peter Parker that he didn't need to be better, that he was perfect just the way he was.
If Tony knew what his words had done to such a bright boy, he would have been ruined.
And I wanted you to be better.
But Peter couldn't. He messed up, he made mistakes, he got hurt, he didn't always save the girl.
Nobody ever told him that it was part of the job. That nobody could save everybody, and nobody was perfect.
And I wanted you to be better.
In Peter's eyes, other heroes never messed up. The Avengers always saved the world and saved the people.
All he'd ever done was crash a plane and disappointed the Earth's best defender.
And I wanted you to be better.
The only way Peter knew how to be better, was to just. . . Not. So he climbed a skyscraper and pinned his mask and a piece of paper to the ground.
Then, closing his eyes, he fell.
And I wanted you to be better.
What the note said?
Am I better now?
YOU ARE READING
irondad & spiderson oneshots
Fanfici was going to go through and edit all of this but actually i have decided i don't want to so just try and pretend it doesn't look like it was written by a 12yo (it was)
