irondad & spiderson oneshots

lxix. lists

Here's a chapter while I sit here angry at Sony, also he didn't get the arc reactor removed in this one. TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS

Lists. Tony always loved lists. He had them everywhere; On his desk, online, scattered around his labs, but most importantly, in his head.

Tony had countless lists in his head. The one he was most aware of, though, the one he updated on a moment's notice, was the one he with with all his Reasons.

Sometimes, Tony would take his arc reactor out and think of any Reasons to put it back in. He had decided long ago, that when all his Reasons were gone, he wouldn't put it back in.

1. rhodey
2. pepper
3. jarvis
4. avengers

Tony smiled softly amd put it back in, glancing nervously at Bruce, asleep at the table next to him. The Avengers had graciously agreed to take up the newly renamed Avengers Tower as their home, and Tony's list was longer than it had been in a while.

It was short, it always had been, but it was longer than usual.

||

1. rhodey
2. pepper
3. avengers

Jarvis was gone, replaced by Vision. Tony still couldn't meet the Android's eyes, and still flinched every time he opened his mouth and Jarvis's voice came out.

What hurt the worst, was when Vision admitted he didn't remember his time as Jarvis. Tony was crushed, but didn't show it.

Jarvis was the closest thing to a kid he'd ever had, and it felt like someone had plucked off one of his limbs. He was hesitant to put the reactor back in, but he did.

He still had more Reasons.

||

nothing

Absolutely nothing. He'd managed to lose all three of his Reasons in just a few short days.

Pepper left him, Rhodey was in the hospital, and there was nothing left of the Avengers.

He had no more reasons left. Tony carefully placed the arc reactor on the desk, leaning back in his chair.

He stared, not crying, not smiling, just staring. Tony never realized before how easy it was to just stop. . . existing.

Tears didn't prick his eyes, he didn't break down, he didn't suddenly decide he wanted to live Reasons be damned, he didn't have some revelation or hesitation, he just, stared.

He had a lot of lists. And he wondered just how many of them would never see the light again.

"Boss, Peter Parker is inquiring as to your whereabouts." Friday spoke, jolting Tony from his stupor.

Tony blinked, slowly, sluggishly. "How did he get here?"

"Mr. Hogan brought him, Boss."

Tony stared, a small frown on his lips. He couldn't do that to the kid, couldn't traumatize him by making him find the billionaire dead.

And suddenly Tony realized his list hadn't been completed.

1. Peter
2. happy
3. friday

He had the kid. And how blind was he to not have added one of his best friends to the list?

And Friday. Friday wasn't Jarvis, but she was her. She was herself, and she was learning.

She was his. Just like Peter was his. Peter was his kid. What kind of man left their kid without a. . . Tony Stark.

He snorted. Ah, yes, every child needed a Tony Stark. A small grin painted his lips.

The kid had brought humor into his life, he'd brought laughter. Not the fake laughs he used as armor, as weapons, but real, genuine laughter.

Tony reached forward, and within seconds, the arc reactor once again shone brightly in his chest.

"Send the kid to the lab, Fri." He finally said.

"Right away, Boss."

Tony smiled again. He loved lists, always would, and maybe it was a bit unhealthy, but he had his Reasons.

Tony forgot all about the list as Peter bounded happily into the lab.

He still loved lists, but made ones that were a little less self-destructful.

He made lists for Peter, when the kid was so sleep deprived, he forgot how to function in the morning and tried to wear his pants on his head or socks on his hands. ("Peter, no.")

He made grocery lists for crying out loud, displayed on the fridge by colorful magnets Peter had decorated, for when Peter ate the last of the cereal and put the empty box back, getting Tony's hopes up, just to be deprived of the sugary sweetness that was Frosted Flakes. ("Parker, you little shit-!)

So yeah, Tony loved lists. But he lived his Spider-Kid more.

Eh? Eh? You thought i was gonna kill tony didn't you? Nope! (Marvel's done enough of that-)