The Tears That Formed The Forest

Blue - Chapter 28

My eyes began to open. Ever so slightly. Ever so slowly. I looked up against the dark ceiling. I felt empty. But.. I felt something.. against me. I looked down. I looked down to see my sister. My sister, Avalon.. Laying with her head against my stomach, her hand near my freshly cut arm. I began to realize what I had done. I had regained my senses once again. My common sense senses. I realized the terrible thing I have done. Not only to myself, but to my sister. And to everyone else who finds out. Who finds out that I had cut myself. 

I felt so bad. So bad.. So bad that Avalon had to witness this.. I never thought I would ever put her into something like this.. I never intended to do this to her. I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted to put her into any pain. Into any worry. Into any state of mind that wasn't HER. But that's what I did. That's what I did to her. I put her into this state of mind. I put her into this state of depression. State of pain. State of hurt. And State of worry. I never thought I would put my twin sister.. into what I felt. I never wanted this.. Never.

I looked down at her. I examined her face. Her eyes looked red, puffy, and swollen.. and her nose was red. She had been crying.. Probably crying her eyes out.. For me.. Maybe thinking that I had died or something. But I hadn't died. I hadn't done anything but cut myself. I hadn't meant to. I didn't know what I was thinking.. There was just so much going on with me.. I couldn't take it. 

I had just come back from the mental asylum that they held my brother. My brother Gale. The first time I had seen him since we were young. It's been forever since then. And when I get to see him, I don't even get to have him.. My brother Gale.. Is still stuck within their talons.. Their hawk-like talons.. Talons of an inescapable prison.. I want him back. I want him back into my life. I want him back..

I began to sit up slowly, careful with Avalon. Gentle with Avalon. She's so precious. And she's already in enough pain. The blood on my arms had dried. I pulled down my sleeve. I placed her head in my lap, stroking her hair. Her soft hair. Her soft brown hair. The softest I've ever touched. Besides Lyric's obviously. I am going to take care of Avalon until she wakes up. She's a delicate rose that must not be messed with. Such delicate petals. Delicate, delicate petals. I can't believe I put her through this.. Hopefully I didn't taint her beautiful mind.. I don't know what I would do if I had. 

I begin to contemplate. As I always do. As I always have done. I contemplate what has been going on today. The fact that Gale was treated in such a manner. The fact that I couldn't even come back home with my brother. The fact that I didn't get to be with him for very long. The fact that I felt such deep emotion from that trauma. The fact that I had cut myself because of the deep emotion of the trauma. The fact that I had hurt my twin sister because she had walked in on me with my sleeve up. The fact that I had gone slightly overboard with it all. I had left blood. It was dried now, but I still need to clean up after myself. I just hope she wakes up.

I hope she can forgive me for what I had done. For what I had done to her. For what I have done to myself. I never meant to hurt her. I never have. I never will. It's not something within my mindset. I wish I never did this to her. I wish I didn't feel the way I do. I wish that Gale was still with me. I wish that I never knew what depression was. I wish I could be with Gale again. I wish I could make sure that Avalon never saw what she did. I wish I could make sure that she will not be traumatized by this situation. If she is, I cannot forgive myself. I was sent from God to protect her and I have failed. I am only failing more and more. 

For now, I can only wait.