"I tend to lose control when I'm consumed by someone and you are not someone. That, my dear, makes you the most vulnerable yet dangerous as well. You're a sweet creature, a sweet sweet creature..."
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10 MAY 2018 - #4 ELIAS SAMSON
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"I know its hard to believe but sad girls still smile" R Clift
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"Are you still mad at me?" Her voice contained something I couldn't pinpoint. It had certainly caught me offguard as I entered the building with my brother, Matt. He had given me a questioning look to which I simply shrugged and made my way down a hallway as her voice filled my ear.
"I wouldn't have answered your call if I was Saraya. I was never mad, it was just a lot on my mind." I admitted, I had felt terrible after simply leaving her in a cafe but I truly had been dealing with a lot lately and I didn't see any need in discussing something that wouldn't work out in my favour.
"You don't sound alright though?" I commented as she hadn't spoken and silence filled the other side of the phone as I took a steel chair and made myself comfortable offering a smile to one of the cameramen.
"What's going on?" My voice softened as I didn't like the silence even though we had hardly spoken ever since her date with Finn.
"I just wish I was on the road. I wish I hadn't fucked up, everything is just so much right now and I know I'm with Finn but he is so sweet I don't want to bring him down" She croaked and I closed my eyes as I couldn't argue that I did have a weak spot for the ravenhaired woman I was denied from.
"Are you back in Minnesota with the Beast?"
"I'm here yes but he isn't here. Flew out for some business so I'm babysitting the animals, probably take all the happiness out of all these adorable babies" she groaned.
"I doubt that. Its normal to feel frustrated just don't let it pull you into the darkness you came from, Saraya. I don't believe what I hear but I do know what it feels like to feel alone, you feel like there's no hope. Like what is the point to all of it if you're not happy, not doing what makes you happy. But if you sink back then it pushes you that much further from the light" I wasn't sure who I was speaking to, I wanted to raise her spirits but I also knew I might have been slipping into that darkness because part of what made me happy was being ripped away from me as well.
"I know, I know Jeff. And I can't wait to be back but its just I'm scared and I'm not used to being scared. I never used to give a fuck about what people thought and here I am, making my return next month and I'm scared as hell"
"You're returning next month?"
"Yes I am. You don't sound too happy about that"
"I am, trust me I definitely am" I was, just not happy that I wouldn't be here to see it. "You shouldn't be crying, you should be happy and I know that its difficult to return after a scandal, rumours, headlines but you need to rise. Like a pheonix, like a sweet creature"
