Amor Vincit Omnia

✝Chapter 26 - Numb

Summer is the best season of all. The warmth of the sun always seems to be inviting to just sit along a creek somewhere and watch the water flow softly along the rocks. The world seems alive with birds, butterflies and other creatures scurrying along.

If you're visiting Chicago in Summer, there are at least ten things tops one must do, number one being the Navy Pier. This fifty-acre playground of entertainment, museums, activities, restaurants and shops is the perfect place to be.

Next thing to do is discover a park. Chicago has many lovely parks; some large, some tiny, almost every neighbourhood boasts a stretch of green scenery that brings peace and serenity to its visitors. Chicago also offers many festivals through out the year and since it is a cultural city, one can find many museums dedicated to every interest and every passion.

In Chicago one must simply take in a game. Phil is a huge Chicago Blackhawk's fan. Then there are the Chicago Bears, Chicago Cubs and the Chicago White Sox.

I, myself, was spending my summer indoors, in my room. My life was pretty boring actually, same old routine, same old life style. I tried everyday to keep my head high but I was dying inside whenever something reminded me of my unborn child. I know I'm not alone, but I felt like it.

It's been four months and the pain is still there, everyday, with me, reminding me that I lost my own child. No one could understand me, because no one lost their own child and the saddest thing of them all was that I didn't even know I was pregnant. I could have taken care of it, I didn't even know if it was a boy or girl. I was bound to become a proud mother and have the privilege to watch my son or daughter grow. My own, and now? Now I lost everything.

I just wish my mama was still with me. I could use some of her comforting words.

* * * *

It was at least eleven at night, so I decided to take a quick dip in the pool. I put on my black bathing suit and wrapped up my hair in a messy bun.

The water felt quite cold as I touched it with my fingertips. I slowly went into the pool and swam across it for at least five times. I swam to the deep end of the pool and stayed in the corner. I looked up at the stars, and admired them. It was a beautiful night, no doubt. I held my breathe and went underwater. I opened my eyes and I could see nothing but blur. I let go of my breathe and just stayed there.

I went deep enough that I couldn't get back to the surface, and although it sounds like a moment where you should panic, I didn't feel scared in the least.

The whole movie moment of 'Oh my god! I'm drowning' is a myth. I didn't feel my lungs burn or think about the fact that I was low on air, all I could see was the light past the surface of the water and all I could think about was my mother and my child.

* * * *

I was sitting on my porch swing and listening to all the sounds. Distant scatterings of dogs' barking, and neighbour's cars coming and going down the street...all blended in the background of my mind as I felt the warmth of the summer cover me with scented breath.

Closing my eyes, I could smell whiffs of hot dogs burning. Around the corner of my house, I heard the frogs croaking their late night serenade to the fireflies. The rustling of oak and maples, the smell of pine trees and mown grass, the distant sound of a ballpark's game...all sounded and smelled of a warm summer's night back at home.