Morning Blushes

chapter seventeen

My life is back to normal again. I'm gonna be on a full studying mode with ninja focus again. But, man, I don't know if I can do that. I was doing quite well when we have our play rehearsals but I don't know how to do this anymore. What if I'm back and everyone will still expect me to save them from our recitation when I don't know a single thing anymore? What will I do if I have difficulties perfecting an exam or a quiz? What if this distracted me already? Then my mother will eventually know it? I'm back to the beginning.

I really decided to start a productive day. Besides, I want to do skimming on some chapters in order to cope up and understand at least the general point of the topic. I really need to. I studied on the weekends but it's just not enough.

Simula nung umagang nagkita kami ni Navi, hindi ko na ulit siya nakita. I didn't even see him after the play. Maybe he went outside the subdivision since he's always saying that he's so sick of this environment. And it's okay. I completely understand. No worries. 

Class hours started very soon. I know we're all busy but Navi hasn't spoken to me since he arrived. He's usually quiet inside the classroom but even a single word, he said nothing at all. Nagsisimula na naman akong kabahan. I don't know what I did.

When lunch break has arrived, binagalan ko ang pag-aayos ng gamit ko. Hinintay kong makalabas si Navi bago ako umalis pero siya yata ang walang balak na umalis. Sobrang ayos na lahat ng gamit ko, pinapantay ko pa lahat. Hindi talaga siya umaalis. 

Should I talk to him? Maybe I should. But, I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want to see me? Or maybe... we're not really friends? It makes sense. The play is done and I have no idea what comes next. But maybe this isn't about me. Maybe he's having a bad day.

"Navi." I called him. Hindi niya ako nilingon man lang. "Is something wrong?"

He didn't look at me but he shook his head slowly.

"I'll be resting for a while if you don't mind." He covered his head with the hood of his hoodie. 

"Okay." Then I left him alone.

Navi keeps bugging my mind all throughout the day so much.  Hanggang dismissal, he's not talking to me. Kinuha niya lahat ng gamit niya at lumabas na ng classroom. Agad agad ko siyang sinundan. He wore his cap and roll over with his skateboard. 

Something is definitely wrong.

Lagi akong humahanap ng tiyempo para makausap siya pero siya naman yung umiiwas. He doesn't want to talk about it. If that's what he wants, I'll give it to him. I still have no idea what is wrong and he wouldn't even surely talk to me. The only time we talked is the time when we have an activity to ask our seatmates certain questions from the book. We're gonna exchange our notebooks and exchange opinions. Ayun lang. No personal talking happened. 

Sometimes he won't go to school and I just have no idea why. At some point, I'm thinking of what he said about his brother. I'm gonna lose my mind thinking about it all day.

A lot of things happened just like what he said. We had our exams a week after the play. I didn't study at the rooftop since hindi naman ako makakapag-focus doon dahil hihintayin at hihintayin lang siya ng utak ko. 

Of course, after exams, I'm expecting my mother to come and appoint a dinner for the three of us. I never feel so good when it comes to having dinner with them. I'm like in a debate but I'm not allowed to answer. I need to bury those accusations once you answer the wrong term. Ako na agad yung kriminal kapag mali ang nasabi ko.

My hands are fidgeting under the table already, thinking what I'm gonna say. There's no way she wouldn't find out about the stage play. I'm sure of that. Sooner or later, she's gonna start firing up about it but I knew this will happen eventually. This is eating me alive.