Morning Blushes

chapter eighteen

Halloween party, it's the end of the semester for us. I don't really attend this annual event but this year is different. I have something to look forward to. The whole cast is gonna be there and I won't be just what I am expecting, sitting at the corner and watching everyone have the best time of their lives. 

Navi completely avoided me. Well, I mean, he does speak to me but it's all awkward and he basically doesn't want to talk about that. He even ignored the message I sent. But as long as I'm seeing him looking okay, I think that's enough. I hate to admit but it really hurts me seeing him like that. He was so quiet that it's deafening. But maybe that's the reason why he started to avoid me. I'm taking too much of him to the point that he needed himself too.

Kanina pa ako naghahalungkat sa gamit ko pero wala akong makitang relevant na costume portraying Christine from The Phantom of the Opera. I ended up sneaking into Mommy's closet. I'm looking for a vintage white dress at least. May pinagpipilian akong silk dresses e. I finally chose the off-shoulder vintage white dress. 

 After all these things, I swear I'll get a haircut. I look so messy now. Inayos at nilinis ko na lang ang kwarto ko. The party will start at around 6 p.m., and it's just around 12 noon. My phone beeped. I've got a message from Jace. 

Who will you portray, nerd? Punta ka?

 I replied:

Yes. Christine from POTO. Ikaw? Hamilton?

I'm John Laurens in the place to be! 

FOR REAL??

No, King George

Ano nga?

Might be Eliza lol

HAMILTRASH

I'm kidding. Susunduin kita d'yan. Yo, I have a car already. 

I chuckled, ignoring his message. I went to the rooftop. The sun is directed here and my plants are looking healthy. Manang's keeping them alive. 

Tinanaw ko yung laging tinatawiran ni Navi. Pupunta kaya siya sa Halloween party? Almost everyone in the class will come and he even agreed to come. I heard that. He said he's going. But why do I feel so empty? I was living just fine before Navi could ever happen. Oh, goodness, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkaganito. It's just fine, right? Am I still normal? God. 

I'll try to speak to him later kahit mahirap if ever he'll attend the party. I really can't do this anymore. It's like something is left hanging open. It's in between. It's unfinished yet halfway done. Kasi wala naman akong kaalam-alam kung bakit bigla na lang siyang iiwas sa'kin. I don't know what his reason might be but... Oh goodness, am I thinking too much? Am I overreacting to it? But I haven't spoken to him clearly yet about this matter. 

I had my lunch with Manang which is not as quiet as typical. I'm usually starving when we're having lunch since I came from studying. I'm not studying today since this party is ending our term. I will be resting for a week and that sounds quite good.

Bumalik na ako sa kwarto ko to take a shower again and dress up. I snatched Mommy's hair curler. And she actually has a lot of makeup products resting in her room. Nagtagal ako sa pagkukulot ng buhok ko since I need to achieve the curly hair of Christine or at least a curly hair. But then I remembered Navi again when he told me I looked beautiful the night of his birthday.

At that moment, I realized he's literally around me most of the time. This is common sense already but it feels weird. He's a part of my daily life already. He's included in my routine. And it was nice, for me, because I finally have someone to talk to. I'm not gonna talk to myself. He's real. And maybe I took that for granted.