Morning Blushes

chapter forty-eight

The play is today. Pinilit ni Mommy na pumunta kami sa mall to go for quick shopping. Sinabi ko nang kahit isa na lang sa mga dresses niya since she has a ton pero lagi niyang dinahilan na minsan niya lang ako mabilhan ng gamit. Ngayon, pinipilit ko na lang na samahan siya libutin yung mall na parang wala namang patutunguhan 'to.

"Mommy, let's go home. I'm fine with one of your dresses. And, I once sneaked into your closet. You surely have a ton. I can pick one there."

Tumingin siya sa'kin at napa-buntong hininga na lang. "You're not gonna give this up, are you?" I just smiled. "Fine. Isa lang. Last na."

We both agreed to buy one dress but I guess I tried ten before we both approved what she's gonna buy. 

"Yanna, are you sure na ayan na? There are three outstanding dresses, believe me."

"Mommy, those are for prom, I'm telling you. I'm just gonna stay upstage for like only three minutes."

Well, hindi naman ako naka-attend nung prom nung junior high since I don't have friends, and I would probably look like I just got out from my rocking chair back then. But, I'm not really gonna wear those dresses for a single performance. I even think I'm gonna wear what I bought on my birthday a month from now. 

"Okay, okay. We need to go home because I'll be the one to make you a goddess."

Pag-uwi namin, dinala niya pa ako sa room niya. She has the most fabulous vanity mirror. And I don't think I'll want that in my room ever. Ngayon ko lang din nakita lahat ng mga makeup niya na nasa isang customized na drawer with I think 8 yung layer.

"I didn't know you own all this stuff," I said to her after she put some mist on my face.

"I used to love all that stuff. Before that, I have canvases and paints. I am thinking of going back to art, learning to love them again. I don't know. My family used to believe that was the cause of my failure."

"Oh, the plant paintings upstairs... are they your works?"

She nodded. "Those are the last things I painted before everything."

"That was magnificent, Mommy. You can learn to love that again. I promise."

I didn't know she loved art. Hindi ako nabiyayaan ng magandang kamay sa arts e. Well, sure, I can paint colors but that's all. I'm so poor at sketching na parang wala akong kamay. And I wish to see more of her crafts. They are gorgeous. 

"So, follow your passion, Avyanna. Unlike me, you have a family to support you. Your passion is your dreams that determination and faith furnished. I was too controlled to take up what they wanted."

"Mommy... I don't know what to take in college. I have no idea what I want." I started.

"Do you want to rest for a year first? You need it. Find yourself. Find what you like. Explore."

"Is it okay?" I asked. "I mean, taking a gap year?"

"Of course. I don't want you to regret your life forever, Yanna."

I smiled. "Thank you, Mommy."

"Oh, siya, harap na dito. I'm gonna put your makeup."

"Mommy, please, light  lang."

"You can trust me on this." She smiled at me  through the mirror. "We never actually had a real conversation, did we?" she chuckled. "I'm actually glad I have my daughter I can finally put these on. I've been experimenting in my free time."

"That's great to hear." I giggled. "That must be fun."

"Have you had a boyfriend?" She straight up asked.