Morning Blushes

chapter thirty-four

I thought it would be easy to go to school now. As soon as I woke up, my heart thumped with the thought of people seeing me again. What would they think of me? They probably think of me as a failure too. Just like how my mother treats me every time. It wasn't a steep ridge yet I tripped and fell. It's almost as if I'm gonna reach the newspaper with the headline the genius has fallen. That's seriously the talk yesterday that I forced myself to shut my ears from.

Papasok pa ba ako? Ayoko na. I woke up with a heavy heart and now I am crying. Hindi ko na kaya, sorry. It's so hard to breathe and I have no idea how else I can let go of this feeling.

When my phone started ringing for the snooze, I forced myself to get up just to click it off. But then I saw another notification. There are three messages, all of them from Navi.

Good morning, miss 
Bangon ka na
Papasok na tayo :) 

Para akong baliw na humagikgik na may luha sa mata. I quickly pushed my tears away and took a deep breath. I prepared and boosted the last drop of my will to go to school. I'm going to school with Navi. 

"Magandang umaga, Yanna." Nginitian ako ni Manang pagkakita niya sa'kin pababa. "Handa na agahan."

"Eh, Manang, male-late na po ako. Babaunin ko na lang po."

"Oh, sige. Sandali lang, ibabalot ko lang."

I feel like I'm just gonna vomit what I eat so I guess I'm gonna consume that later. 

After Manang gave me my packed meal, I bid goodbye and went out. Navi is waiting while playing with his phone again, juggling it in the air. Oh, god. I forgot to reply!

"Oh..." I muttered.

He turned his head to me and smiled. "Oh... Ohayo?"

I grinned a little, concealing a chuckle. He seems to have a good morning.

We went to school together. But as soon as we stepped inside, their eyes directed towards us. I know those stares. 

I pretended I didn't see them but I guess it's just that hard to not hear them. They're talking about us, being in a relationship. I don't know how this day could get any nicer. It's a bad reputation for Navi because he's seen as the bad guy here. He didn't do anything to cause what happened to me. I was just messed up and I'm the one to blame. It's not Navi. It's my fault why I reached rock bottom. They don't have to.

Some are looking at me and secretly laugh. It's like an insult of how foolish I am. I even heard someone said, "She gave in to a boy? Pathetic." And I don't even know how to explain myself anymore. My feet are deciding to just run away from him but I know I just can't do that.

"Tsk." I heard Navi hissed. 

For once I thought he was annoyed at me but then he draped his arm over my shoulders and pulled me close. He was so close that he's blocking my view of everyone.  Instead of going to the classroom, he guided me outside, to the nearest exit possible. There is a football pitch greeting me. Navi didn't let go until we reached the shade of a vast tree. 

"Navi, male-late na tayo--"

"Avyanna, listen to me."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya. I'm trying not to cry. It just seems to be stabbing me over and over. This is all my fault but everyone's punishing me already. I just... I want everyone to just leave me alone and let me go on with my life.

"Sorry," I muttered. "Nadamay pa kita."

"Look, I don't fucking care what they think about me. Think the hell they want. I just..." He took a deep breath and heaved a sigh. "We can go home if you feel like you don't want to go." His voice mellowed. "We'll go home..."