Morning Blushes

chapter twenty

Jace brought me home and the entire ride is silent. My head is floating from everything, every thought chattering loud inside my mind. Jace seemed to sense it since he's a little less loud. I still want to see him win the so-called costume contest but the night already ended for me earlier.

"Thank you," I spoke with a faint smile.

He gave me a wide smile. "Good night, Avy. I better be going. I still need to win this."

"You surely will." I waved at him as he pulled away and drove all the way back to the school.

I took a deep breath and nag-doorbell ako pero mukhang mali yata yung ginawa ko. Nakita ko yung kotse ni Mommy na naka-park. I felt a strange acid burning in my stomach, forming a black hole to swallow me whole. Everything just felt so lifeless like I'm gonna be dead sooner or later. Bahala na. She's already mad anyway.

Lumabas si Manang at pinagbuksan ako. Hindi siya umiimik kahit isang letra but she gave me a smile as if everything is gonna be fine. Pagbukas ng front door, Mommy is standing in front of it from approximately six feet.

"Wow, Avyanna. Just wow." Mommy is dramatically clapping her hands slowly.

I know. Never akong umuwi ng ganito from somewhere except escaping. That doesn't count. I should always be the good girl in everyone's eyes. But... this is a school party. I know this is also my fault because I didn't tell her about it. I should have known. I was just excited and I really want to go.

"Ang lakas ng loob mo umuwi ng ganitong oras, Avyanna, palibhasa may naghihintay sa'yo eh, 'no?"

 I don't want to hear anything for now. I want to go straight to my room, change, and go to bed. I'm too tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I am damn drained. Pigang piga na ako. I want to sleep and sleep alone for an entire week. 

"Sinong disente ang uuwi dito disoras ng gabi? You even had the gut to party and..." She looked at me from head to toe. "Ah, kaya pala... You didn't tell me all about this and you even had the guts to sneak out my clothes?" She huffed sarcastically. "Magpapaalam lang, Avyanna. Kailan pa naging mahirap 'yon? Sa susunod na maabutan kitang nasa labas, wala ka nang uuwian. You'll have your punishment tomorrow. Starting tomorrow."

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

I know this is all my fault. I didn't tell her all about the party. I even snatched her dress and used her things without permission. Am I being a brat? That was the first party I've ever joined. No wonder it didn't end up so well. This day wasn't for me.

"Go to your room right now."

Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko. This, indeed, is not a bad day. Really. It just turns out to be absolutely bad.

--

Now that our school break has started, I can't believe I have a week with no classes. I don't want to get up anymore since I don't have a single reason to do that now. Without school, I have no life. I have no purpose. 

I get myself dressed and ready for a stroll. Inaantok pa ako but I have to build this habit. I need to force myself to get up. Pagbaba ko, the silence is deafening. Maingat akong lumabas. I glanced at both sides and Mommy's car is gone. It's that easy for her.

Lumabas ako at maingat na sinarado ang gate. I strolled around the subdivision. I'm not a fan of jogging so I'd rather walk and take a look at the beauty of the morning. Hindi ko alam kung saan na ako pasikot-sikot. Aside sa malinis yung streets dito, tahimik pa. I don't know kung may mga nakatira nga or wala. I need to clear my mind and start thinking about things that make sense. 

Nadaanan ko yung bahay ni Navi but it doesn't seem to have a single soul inside. I miss hearing the roll of his skateboard wheels on the asphalt ground or the thud of his shoes when he landed on some roof. I wish he would just come here out of nowhere, catching his breath while facing me with a wide grin, followed by a 'good morning, miss!'.