Morning Blushes

chapter nine

I went straight to the rehearsal room right after the bell rang. Ngayon pa lang, iniisip ko na kung anong mangyayari sa'kin. It's quite hard to change a routine I've been doing for over the past five years now. The rehearsals have gone harder and more energy-consuming. I'm trying to input the 'study smart' thought my mother's telling me about. I don't know if that's exactly what I'm doing though. 

Expected na I'm going to be late sa pag-uwi simula ng rehearsals. I can't always lie about going home late so I am now thinking of what to say to Manang. I need to tell her this because once na makarating 'to kay Mommy, everything is over for me. I don't want that to happen.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako sa naiisip. Naibaba ko ang papel ko at sakto namang nakita ko si Medina. She's glaring at me like she knows the crime I did. She immediately looked down at her paper, pretending to mumble lines. I just want to believe that she's channeling her emotions to the role she's gonna take part in. 

Since the first rehearsal started, I'm trying to melt my modesty. Especially now that I am playing for the lead role? Man, the pressure.  It's real to have a senatorial press-like seating arrangement and then we're gonna throw lines. Pakanta pa. You have no idea how ridiculous it sounds and it looks as well. But for me? It's so darn cool. It's fun and stressful. It's making me feel something.

"Avy," Calvin is rushing towards me with his paper. "Can we try this part?" He pointed his paper. "It's a little confusing."

He is my partner in the play. I thought he was just joking about the knight in shining armor but it's actually kind of true. When we learned more about it, siya lang yung excited. For me, this is really awkward.

"Sure."

We sat at the bleachers near the piano. Pinihit niya ang sarili niya paharap sa'kin. I'm looking at my paper so it's a little less awkward now. Somehow, I kind of got used to it dahil paulit-ulit naming ginagawa. Paulit-ulit talaga namin ginagawa hanggang sa manhid na ang hiya ko, kahit feeling mo hanggang bukas wala ka nang boses. 

We worked on the responsorial parts a bit before the director goes back. It's really quite confusing but it really helped when he reached out to figure that out. 

"Right. Let's use that later. Thanks."

I gave him a quick nod.

After draining hours of rehearsals, I grabbed my bag right after announcing that we're free. Umuwi na ako but, again, I was surprised. May naghihintay pala sa'kin. Kinabahan ako bigla. My dear brother is here and I'm afraid he might tell something to Mommy when he looked at me suspiciously.

"Where have you been?" 

"School."

"What took you so long? I came here to check on you. Sabi ni Manang may project ka raw. It's almost dinner." He even checked his wristwatch.

"Required school activity," I answered lazily. "It's a major thing."

"That's quite long for a school activity, especially you're walking your way home. Delikado, Yanna." He started his older-brother tone that I never liked.

I just nodded. "I'm really tired, Kuya Adriane."

"Sige. Magpahinga ka sandali bago mag-dinner."

I rushed upstairs towards my room. Nawalan ako ng gana. I don't know where it bloomed but I suddenly felt so tired of everything. I lie in bed and just stared at the ceiling until my eyes started pouring tears. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong nararamdaman ko... They're all mixed up together all at once inside a capsule of feelings. I was nervous all of a sudden and a strange feeling of fear knocked my heart off.