Morning Blushes

chapter twenty-three

"Yanna, hija, papasok ka ba?"

Nagising na lang ako sa katok ni Manang. Napatingin ako sa orasan ko sa phone. My eyes are stapled open wide when I saw I have thirty minutes left to prepare. This is impossible! How come I didn't hear my alarm?

"Papasok po ako, Manang!"

"O sige, ipaghahanda na lang kita ng sandwich..."

Agad agad akong tumayo at naligo. Hindi ko na inayos ang laman ng bag ko. Kinuha ko ang sandwich sa mesa at nagpaalam kay Manang. I look and feel like a mess after rushing. I wasn't able to sleep peacefully last night. Parang apat na oras lang yata ang tulog ko. I need to go to my father today. So bad. He's calling me in my dreams last night. 

I woke up in the middle of my good sleep. I looked at the window and I realized that it's still dark. Then I saw my father walking away. I shouted his name and he looked at me with a smile.

"Daddy, where are you going?"

He waved his hand as if he's saying that I should go back to sleep. "Maaga pa, baby. Sleep ka pa."

I rushed downstairs and ran outside. He's standing there, still looking at my window. Nagulat ako nang makita ko ang sarili ko doon sa bintana. But the girl by the window is me four years ago.

"Daddy, where are you going?"  I asked him again.

"I'm just going to your mommy." He's smiling so wide.

We shifted to another place. We're in front of a house without someone else. The sun is already up and the clouds are so beautiful on the sky blue horizon. There are no cars, and just one road. There are no establishments or post lights. It's just the two of us and the old house with the green grassland.

"Daddy, where are we? Why are we here?"

"We're going to mommy." He smiled. "Do you want to come with me and mommy, Avyanna?"

"Where's Mommy? She's not yet going home."

He just smiled at me and held my hand. 

I literally felt his hand last night. He held mine warm and tight. I swear to god, I wish I'm just joking.

Agad akong umupo at sinagutan ang mga binibigay na papel. Suddenly, my mind went blank. I need to read a single question three times just to understand it. Bumagal pa ang oras para sa break time before mag-start ang last subject. Halos mahilo na ako nung pinasa ko ang huling exam which is freaking math. Hindi ko na ni-review. Bahala na. 

"Good job, Miss Santos."

Nagmamadali akong lumabas. Sa harap pa ni Navi. He's poking his pen on his cheek, staring at the questionnaires with his slightly furrowed brows. I ignored him and walked while partly looking at the ceiling. I don't want my tears to flow. The face of my father with a wide smile was vivid... I miss him so much. I miss everything about him. If only I could live in that dream,  I would. 

I hailed a cab and ask the driver to stop by at the flower shop. I bought flowers before going to the memorial park. When I arrived, I felt a huge block of ice in my chest. I walked across the mausoleum and opened the gate. It's not the same as the marble-finished with air-conditioned facility and glass doors. It's just a simple mausoleum with arts, colors, and personality. We dusted the walls with musical notations and it is perfect. I also left quotes of our favorite musicals. I love this place so much.

I placed the flowers beside him. I sat on the floor and gently touched his photograph. I touched it like I can feel him beside me like he's just here. He's here.