Morning Blushes

chapter ten

Weekend. Ito lang ang bukod tanging pahinga ko for many weeks straight. Next week is a heavier schedule since hell week is coming again. I'm trying to balance the focus I have in mind dahil sanay na ako na sa studies lang ang focus ko. Multitasking is not mine to deal with. Hindi ko talaga kaya.

"Manang," I called. "Lalabas lang po ako sandali."

I was quite hesitant but I made a decision. I brought the tiny watercolor painting version of the huge painting that is hanging on the rooftop. This one is for De Guzman. Actually, this is the painting he's trying to charm me off. I found it in my desk drawer and I thought maybe it would be better for him to have this.

I told him to meet me outside. Paglabas ko, he's at the bench while throwing his phone in the air. That made me lose my senses. Is he insane or what? And when I moved closer, I had a clearer view of him. He's wearing his oh-so-comfy sweatpants and his plain white shirt. I guess whether he's a minimalist or every guy is just like that. It looks so comfortable that I want to dress like that too.

I sat next to him. He almost dropped the phone that made him gasp in anxiety. After getting over it, humarap siya sa'kin.

"So," he started. "What's... up?"

"Doing great," I said in the most awkward response. "You?"

"Well... anong pakay mo, miss?"

I clasped my hands together. Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa'kin. I used to be carefree when I'm around him. What mystery took my soul here? Is he my friend already? We just met in a short period of time. We got closer within a short period of time. Then maybe, we also do not have to stay like that. Everything falls in a short period of time.

"No, nothing, really." I shook my head.

He raised his brows.

"Actually, I'm just gonna give this--" I pulled the painting out of my pocket and gave him. "--since you always wanted it. I saw it in my drawer." He took it and stared at the painting.  "I'll go now."

I'm comfortable with him but I feel shy all of a sudden. There's something I can't explain. I can't look straight into his eyes. Maybe I'm just like his survival kit. His starter pack. I'm his guide to get comfortable inside the campus for a couple of days. Now that he's doing great, it's over. I'm gone.

"Avyanna." I looked in his direction. "Is something bothering you?"

I shook my head. "I just wanna give that to you." I stood up. "I should get going. I am sort of fully packed today."

"Wait lang."

Napalingon ako sa kanya, waiting for what he's gonna say. Instead, he shook his head and sighed softly.

"Thanks for this. I'll see you soon." He waved the painting and did his little smile.

I still wanted to stay, talk to him, but the situation is just pretty cramped. I felt bad. Hindi ko alam kung ano pang gagawin ko. I don't need this. I don't need him. It's gonna be much more complicated if I slowly let him take over me. I am fine doing everything on my own. At least this way, nothing would change. No one will go. 

--

For the next few primes of the whole theatre, this hearty play is torturing me. I am frustrated almost every day because of it. I guess it is worse than any sports training and then quizzes and assignments a day. I have to memorize lines and not just that. I have to remember entrances and exits, blocking scenes, and you don't get much rest. And it is the most crucial moment for me. The lines and new songs I have to memorize grows bigger each and every day. That is surely a taste of hell.