Morning Blushes

chapter seven

Thank goodness, it's Friday. I got into an unexpected audition and I passed. I didn't make a fuss about it. I know for myself that I want this and I can't believe I just let that freerunner validate that for me. May isa pang audition for trials something and I am a part of it. Hindi ko na alam how to explain this to my mother but, yeah, que sera sera. If she asks me to quit, then I will.

We are asked to pick our props here backstage. It has a whole lot of costumes. They're all trying out things that would impress the judges. I can't think of a single thing as a costume that would match my song. It's impossible they have a ball gown there. 

"Hoy, tabi na, tabi! Yung iba naman papiliin niyo, nauubos ang oras!" Lily shouted to the people choosing their costumes.

Lily looked at me and gave me a nod as a signal to pick what I will use. I wasn't able to thank her when they announced we have three minutes. I looked at the costumes displayed there. When I saw the blue cloak, I grabbed it and hang it on my forearms. I think this is enough. This reminds me of Christine's costume in Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again from The Phantom of the Opera. That's the song I practiced. I am almost singing this all day since I was like thirteen. Why not stick with it?

Tinawag na yung participants isa-isa. Everyone's vocalizing at some corner since we won't hear what's happening there and the same here. I just tried on the cloak instead and feel it. It feels as if I'm a part of the play already by simply wearing a costume. This is like my dream. This is something that I want to do even for once but I don't have the chance to. If I won't get it, I might as well seize this chance. 

Nung ako na yung next, I shook away the negativity and the tremble growing in my hands. Que sera sera. Right. I'm holding onto that now. I should thank that freerunner for that.

They didn't ask me what I'm gonna sing. Instead, they just told me to go for it. So, when my music started, I know this is it. I won't let go of this anymore. This doesn't come very often, the freerunner said too. I'm gonna go for it.

I lend my entire heart to this song for my father. Christine is the character that resonates the most for me. Its depth is channeling me to the character itself in this particular song, making me lose myself in it again. I didn't mind a single thing as if I was in a trance once more. For a moment, I had an escape from the life that's going on in my head.

As I finished the song, I am breathing heavily because of the air I lost. This is the most challenging thing I've ever done. And this is torture! I bowed after the most exhausting moment of my life.

When the entire audition is done, we have to wait for a while for the results. Kinakabahan na ako but everyone in here seems to be proud of what they did.  They are simply excited to take part in this event. After a few minutes, sabay-sabay kaming pinapunta sa stage while one of the judges is holding a paper, a list of the entire cast. I stood behind all of them to hide and just pep talked to myself. 

It's gonna be okay if I don't take part in the play. At least it's done already and I can go back to my studying nest. Kapag nakasali ako, then hintayin ko na lang sigurong malaman ni Mommy. She's gonna scold me for sure but the bottom line of that is I'm gonna quit anyway. But I wish she won't find out. I promise I'm gonna work extra hard on my studies. I really want to do this now. 

Nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa when they're going through the casting without hearing my name. Maybe I'm not really made up for this. But that's okay. Mag-aaral na lang ako. At least I enjoyed my audition and I was able to perform two songs. That would be enough for me.

"For our lead role..." My ears automatically turned up to hear who got it. "I would like to congratulate Miss Jenna!"

We went silent. I am sure there's no Miss Jenna here. There's no applause dahil mukhang wala rin silang kilalang Miss Jenna.