The Bone Cutter

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Two

Inanis's POV

There are times that I lay in bed and think so much I wish I could put a blade to my neck and press harder and harder and harder until I see God, just so I could ask Him if He purposely made me this way for a quick laugh.  

I've come to believe I'm a big mistake who keeps making bigger and bigger mistakes every single fucking day.

I didn't expect her to knock on the door at nearly one in the morning, nor did I expect her to boldly ask me to spare yet another life when we haven't even been married for a full month.

I should have stabbed her, maybe cut off a finger and threaten her if she ever makes such a stupid request again, I'd have her head like Virtus Lux and his six wives.

But the way she looked at me when I had questioned her how she planned to save Rodney's life.

"By asking."

I wonder the kind of things that go on in her simple mind. I wonder if she wishes she could kill me. I wonder what it'd be like to die by her hands. Maybe one day I can ask her to do it. Maybe one day I'll finally be able to stop wondering.

I glanced over, realizing she had left Leech in my room.

Our room.

The creature was scratching at the bed, as if trying to find a way up. I considered helping it, since it'd clearly never be able to get on.

Then, I thought, maybe I should kill it. Send a message to Mirea that I'm not one to order around.

Instead, I picked the dog up, and put it on the bed. I watched as it began to dig into the blankets, making a nest for itself. My mind began envisioning me grabbing it and suffocating the life out of it, not because I wanted too, but because I was angry at myself for showing kindness to an animal that I didn't care about.

The same goes for my rat of a wife, who believes she has power over me. Maybe she does. I allow my own guilt to control me, maybe I shouldn't have married her, maybe I should just have killed her father and left her to get over it on her own.

Maybe I should poison myself so I can get her fucking name out of my head.

I climbed into the bed, careful not to lay on the dog, I hide myself under the suffocating blankets, and watch as Leech slowly began to fall asleep.

I never cared for animals. What was the point of something that couldn't yell at me when I deserved to be yelled at?

Mirea has no trouble doing that.

I sat in bed for what felt like hours. My mind racing with thought after thought. I went as far as considering buying a whole new home in California, to what it would feel like if I had both my legs amputated and stuffed with cotton.

Angry, I hadn't even realized I was angry because my mind was so focused on everything else. Nothing but pills can stop my wandering brain and that very thought makes me want to choke on cyanide.

I find myself frowning as I clench the blankets and throw them off me just as quickly as I had pulled them on. They fell on top of Leech as I sat up in the bed and took several deep breaths.

Focusing on my breathing was so difficult.

Focusing on anything was so fucking difficult.

Figuring that a few healthy hours of sleep was a waste of my time, I flicked on the lights, pulled out my coat from the closet, and put it on. I felt better with it on. I felt in control, if not of my mind, then of my appearance.