L Lawliet x reader oneshots 2 // Series 2 • DEATH NOTE [COMPLETED]

angst head canons

DEPRESSING L HEADCANONS BC ITS REAL MISSING L HOURS RN. TRIGGER WARNING BTW.

Comment anything you want turned into a oneshot

•he sometimes wonders why his parents left him? What did he do wrong? Why was me not deserving of a mum and dad? Was is his fault?

•he has such a deep hatred for his biological parents, they were the ones that caused him so much pain. How could parents just leave their own child out in the snow die? He could never forgive them.
- if he ever met them he'd be the most passive-aggressive he's ever been toward them, constantly reminding them what they've done to them.
-"we're so sorry"
"Sorry doesn't cure PTSD..."

•while comments about his appearance or all his strange quirks don't bother him, comments about his morals do. He just wants to catch evil, he knows full well he shouldn't do some of the stuff he does. But if he doesn't, the criminal will never be caught. All those kind of "he's not a good person" "why are you doing this? That's awful" comments are why he views himself as a 'lying monster'

•his only wish before he dies is to make sure he gets to see the orphanage one last time.

•after the deaths of A and B, he wishes he could be closer to Mello, Matt and Near. He doesn't want to the cause of more deaths, especially his successors, people he's meant to be protecting. He can't see them that often because of all his cases. He wants to keep them around since they're such great kids, but he can't, that makes him sad.

•he feels partly responsible for the deaths of A and B.

•he feels as if he doesn't really have much of a purpose in life. Every day is the same. Wake up, catch a criminal, work through the night, burn it and fall asleep. He wants to feel alive, but he's stuck in a constant loop.

•he pushes people away because he's afraid that he'll get too attached, then they'll leave him like his parents did.

•in the event he does get attached (the reader) he gets anxious when they aren't around him, fearing they're going to leave him.

•is very good at bottling up his emotions but when the bottle gets full and it starts to overflow, he goes into week long depressive episodes.

•doesn't cry often but when he does its impossible to get him to stop. He's the kind of cryer that can't even form words because they're so upset. Lost of tears and sobbing.

•doesn't really know how to verbally communicate his emotions. But, of you told him to draw, or to write a song, they'd be full of his bottled up emotions.
-drawings that convey darkness and loneliness, dark colours, dark themes.
-songs with sad piano and violin that convey all his self hatred.

•saying he hates himself is an understatement. He absolutely despises himself. He jus wants to be happy but can never seem to get that.

•he has been suicidal on more than one occasion, so close to acting upon it but doesn't due to fear of the pain.

•he's so scared of sleeping because not knowing what  you're doing when you're unconscious is terrifying. Like, unless you have some intense dream, you don't remember anything. And even then you don't always remember dreams. He has to be aware of his surroundings in order to be calm.

•suffers PTSD from the trauma of his parents leaving him. His PTSD is the root cause of most his strange behaviour.

•feels like he can't talk to anyone about any of this. Not a therapist, not any kind of doctor, not Watari, no one. He feels completely alone. The only person he could ever think maybe understanding is someone that loves him so much they put up with everything he does, but he feels that person doesn't exist outside his imagination.

•he has a comfort toy. It goes with him everywhere he can it's a small blue bunny he got when he first came to the orphanage. It's worn out, has many patches, is missing an eye and had a little eyepatch over it. There's places where the stitching is different colours from repairing it. It's ears are floppy and have patches on each one. It's a very loved you, lots of use, lots of tears have been soaked into it. His name is Kai, a name 5 year old L came up with for him.

•if he ever had to spend time in hospital, you wouldn't be able to take kai off him. Hospitals scare him and he'd really need kai.

•he still shamelessly sleeps with kai when Watari forces him to get some sleep.

•can have panic attacks, not often but they can happen. It's mainly hyperventilating and crying, being unable to respond and curling up into a little ball trying to compose himself.

That's all I've got for now, suggest away.