knives out || why don't we

"Love yourself"

20

𝚉𝙰𝙽𝙸𝙴𝙻

LOOKING AT HIMSELF

in the mirror, his shirt off and the awful fat on sight. The skinny boy placed his hands on his stomach, trying to flatten it more than it already was. Tears rushed to his eyes, thinking back to every insult he had once gotten, most of them surrounding his body and weight.

Daniel had never been chubby, but somehow they convinced him he was as fat as a pig. They convinced him he was an awful human being, a worthless person; bullied, because he was different.

With a long sigh and his tears still falling, Daniel pulled the hoodie over his head; this way he could hide the fact he was too skinny, or well in his eyes— too fat. He sat down on his bed, hearing the crack it made from, what he thought, his heavy body. The twenty year old traced the guitar snares with his fingertips, thinking of picking it up, even though, it was two in the morning. He didn't want to wake his bandmates at this time, but the only way he could calm and tired down was with music. He placed the side on his lap, holding the guitar close and snapping his fingers across the snares in a rhythm.

Daniel blocked out the outside noises as he focused on the guitar and the guitar only. He didn't even hear his four bandmates enter his room in sleepy states, but he could care less about them right now. With his music he was selfish, he needed it to calm down, he wouldn't have any other way.

"Daniel stop! It's two-fucking-thirty in the fucking morning!" The youngest yelled at him, now a hundred percent awake and annoyed like no other. Daniel jumped at the voice, his focus turning away from the guitar sounds and letting it fall from his lap to the ground.

"Finally," Zach sighed, walking out of the room with a frown; he didn't like yelling at someone, but he was just too angry with Daniel. The seventeen year old brunette had finally managed to fall asleep after hours of laying in bed; doing absolutely nothing, but staring at the ceiling while his thoughts circled his mind. The five boys had a busy week following and getting little, to no sleep was hard even if they had gotten the slightest bit of used to it.

"Sorry, guys," Daniel whispered, facing the three with a guilty look. "It's okay, just go to bed now. This week's not gonna be fun without any sleep, Daniel," Corbyn told him with a small sigh, walking over to the pale brunette and leaving a kiss on his forehead, before taking his guitar and setting it against the wall. "Goodnight, Daniel," Corbyn whispered, flicking the light off and walking out with the two others.

Daniel just sat in the darkness, his elbows on his knees, his sock-covered feet on the cold ground. He stared at the floor, not even realizing how much time passed by. The only thing he realized was the sun coming up and shining it's rays of sunshine into his ocean-blue orbs when he had finally made a movement; that being his head turning to the window.

His eyelids were dropping every few seconds, but not once did he actually fall into a slumber. Fortunately, nobody went to wake him; that meaning they had just one day off left.

Nevertheless, sleep wasn't the thing Daniel was thinking about, his mind unfortunately went to the sad, awful, hurting thoughts; those being all the bad things he had been told, online, or in real life— that didn't matter, it hurt just as much.

"Dani, you up?" A soft knock entered his ears, making the twenty year old turn his head to the wooden door. Daniel kept his lips sealed, he didn't want the person to enter, but he didn't want to be alone either. When the door opened and his eyes locked on dark, honey-brown orbs, Daniel was relieved. Zach walked inside, taking a seat next to Daniel without saying anything. "Did you get any sleep?" Zach questioned him, knowing the answer even though Daniel hadn't said a thing; his appearance was enough— his blue orbs dull, the bags under his eyes evident and his hair in the same shape it had been yesterday, it wasn't messy like it should have been.