We Met On The Train

8.

Faith Elizabeth
I couldn't describe how I felt as we called it a day. I had kissed Shawn multiple times and every time, my heart raced just that little bit more. But none of the kisses on camera could compare to what I felt on the roof.

I was on cloud nine. I let my emotions and imagination run wild inside me and let myself think that he was hopefully feeling for me, what I felt for him. That kiss was unlike anything I had ever felt before. It ignited something within me. A fire for him.

Whether I was letting myself get way too imaginative, or whether it was real I didn't care. I loved this feeling. I loved the idea that Shawn could be feeling something for me.

"You seem happier" Christina said as I came back into the dressing room, with the biggest smile on my face.
"I am" I replied almost feeling shy.
"What happened?" She said and I couldn't help but cover my face.
"I feel all embarrassed talking about it" I said blushing through the makeup. "We went up onto the roof to rehearse our kiss but in the scene it was only a peck but on the roof, it was more than that" I said and started to get dressed.
"Are you just giving in to your fangirl?" She smiled and I shrugged.
"Maybe. But in the moment it really did feel like something more. We talked and I'm not fucking with you, the kiss went on for a good time. Not just a little something. He could have pulled away but he didn't" I shrugged again. She smiled and walked out of the room.

I got dressed again into my casual clothes but left the makeup on.
I walked out of the dressing room and down the hall to where Shawn would be.
I stood outside with the full intention of walking in, feeling as confident as I could and asking him if he wanted to go and hang out. That was my intention. Until I heard the talking.
"She's in way over her head" I heard Christina said and that already sent my heart quivering and my confidence dropping.
"What do you mean?"
"She was saying how you two had this moment on the roof and she really felt something where you connected or something like that" she said with a laugh.
"They did. I saw it. It definitely wasn't just a little kiss" Andrew said.
"Seriously? Shit, now I feel bad" she said and I rolled my eyes.
"Remember what I said Shawn"
"No I know. You're right. She's younger than me and not the type of person that would boost my image" I heard Shawn say.
The shatter of my heard was almost audible. Tears were in my eyes but still I knocked on the door and tried to push a smile on my face but I couldn't. As I looked at Shawn I was worried that the tears were going to spill over in a split second.
"I-I just wanted to tell you that I'm going home now" I said  hating myself for stuttering.
"I'll drive you" Shawn said standing up.
"No! No, I'd rather walk" I said and I couldn't look up to meet his eye, I just looked down quickly and held onto my bag strap. "Thank you" I whispered.
"Are you ok?" He said and touched my arm. I pulled away quickly and nodded before walking out of the room.

As soon as I stepped back into the hallway the tears spilled over and I knew that I had to get out of the building.
I let the tears fall freely as I walked down the street.
I thought about Shawn and how stupid I had been. I let my imagination run over my feelings and reality.
I had confidence for about three hours, and now it was gone. He had taken it and thrown it away without even knowing it.
It was the first day of working with him and now I didn't want to go back. After one day it had all been shattered. I felt nothing, I felt like I didn't deserve to be here, I felt the worst I had felt in a long time.

I was about ten minutes away from home when it started to pour. A mix of tears and rain fell down my cheeks and I couldn't tell what was tears and what was rain.
I had no coat and no umbrella. The best day had turned into the worst in a matter of minutes.
"Faith!" I heard but couldn't see where it was coming from. I just kept walking.
"Hey" I heard from beside me and I turned to see Shawn in his car driving beside me. "Get in the car you're getting absolutely drenched"
"No thanks. I can see the building from here" I said nodding.
"What's wrong? Did I do something?" He said and I couldn't help but smile.
"Nope"
"What's wrong then?" He said.
"Shawn just leave it. You don't really care" I said and I was glad it was raining to hide the tears.
"That hurts"
"Yeah well it hurts when your idol says you're too young and wouldn't boost his image just after I thought that we did share a moment on that roof." I said shaking my head before crossing the road and entering my building quickly.
And as I walked back up to my apartment, dripping wet, I thought about how I was going to face him again.