We Met On The Train

25.

(Honestly one of my favourite songs^)
Faith Elizabeth
"I can't believe it"
"Me either"
"I mean I really can't"
"I can't believe him"
"Wait play it again I want to look properly"
"It looks how it is"

They had been saying that over and over again. Watching the same video over and over, as if something would happen differently. But it wouldn't. Nothing would change what was in that video. And I didn't want to see it anymore.
I had changed my look as if that was going to make things different as well.
I had had a fringe cut in, which Ryan persisted in calling my teen crisis.

"Wait one more,"
"Guys I cannot watch it anymore." I said sipping on my coffee.
"How long has it been since you two spoke?" Ryan asked and I shrugged.
" maybe just over a month."
"He doesn't talk to you for a month and the first you're seeing of him since then is this?" Tess asked and I nodded.
"And you're seeing him again in like a week" Ryan added and I sighed.
"I don't know if I'm going to go"
"Oh you're going. There's no way we're letting you not go" Tess said and I couldn't help but smile.
"I wouldn't know what to say to him. Like, Hi Shawn, Remember me? I'm that girl in your video who you had sex with then never messaged again" I sighed.
"I'm sure something like that would have a good impact" Ryan nodded and we all couldn't help but laugh, earning us looks from around the coffee shop.
"I don't even think he'd recognise me" I giggled.
"It was your choice to get your hair changed"
"I think it looks gorgeous"
"Oh so do I"
"Ryan, you said the fringe was my teen crisis" I laughed.
"Yeah but it looks good on you" he argued rolling his eyes.

"Do you think they had sex?" Tess asked suddenly, taking me and Ryan by surprise.
"Tess!" Ryan gasped.
"What?! I'm just asking"she said rolling her eyes.
"Well they left holding hands so I'm going to go with yes" I sighed resting my head in my hand.
"It's weird to think of Shawn having sex. Well it is for me. Not for you" Tess said and I nodded.
"How are you feeling?" Ryan asked putting his hand on mine.
"Pretty shitty not going to lie" I sighed.
"Phone him" Tess shrugged.
"Shes got a point Faith. If he's not going to man up and message you then you do it"
"He's probably forgotten all about me. I bet he doesn't even remember who I am. It would just be embarrassing" I said shaking my head.
"I say do it"
"I'm getting way over my head. It happened and now it's past. Oh and I forgot to tell you me and Daniel Shaw have been talking as you know, but he's asked me out" I shrugged and both their mouths fell open.
"Say no" Ryan said.
"Say yes" Tess countered.
"Thanks guys really helpful" I giggled.

I had played around with the idea in my head. I had hoped that if I had said yes to going on a date with Daniel it would make me forget about Shawn. But deep down I know knew it wouldn't. I could never forget Shawn and what I felt for him.
Besides I knew that Daniel was really only interested in me to begin with because of Shawn and my little five minutes in celebrity news.
Everything in me was saying that I should say no to him. But part of me wanted to have s distraction.

"Don't go out with him" Ryan persisted.
"Woah why are you so defensive?" Tess said. I swear they were more like brother and sister than friends.
Ryan raised his eyebrow at her and Tess' jaw dropped.
"What have I missed?" I asked.
"Ryan has a huge thing for Daniel Shaw" Tess said rolling her eyes.
"Seriously? You hate all the popular people" I said.
"He's an exception" Ryan said, a warm glow appeared on his face.
"I wasn't planning on saying yes anyways. I would just be using him as a distraction and I don't think it would work" I sighed.
"You need to get your mopey ass up and ring Shawn" Ryan said mimicking an American accent.

I thought about it. Weighing up all the pros and cons in my head. I mean the worst that could happen was that he didn't pick up. Or he said he didn't want to talk to me. Or a girl picked up, that would be bad. And embarrassing. The negative thoughts took over and I shook my head no.
"Think of how good it would be if he picked up and said he was sorry and he wants to fix things. Wouldn't that be so great?" Tess said and I sighed.
It would.
I had never met anyone like Shawn.
I had never felt anything like what I did when I was with him.
Deep down I knew that if there was the slightest possibility that we could be something again, I had to take that risk.
"Ok. I'm going. I'll see you guys later" I sighed.
"Let us know how it goes" they both shouted and I nodded as I walked out of the coffee shop.

I pulled out my phone and looked up at the sky to see it was coming over grey and cloudy. I started walking home and my heart was pounding as I brought his contact up onto the screen.
"Oh god" I said as I pressed the phone button.
It rang three times before a voice came through from the other end.
I was just relived by the fact that he hadn't changed his phone number.
"Shawn!" I heard a female voice say and the first bit of my heart snapped.
"Hang on" he said and my breath hitched in my throat.
The familiarity and comfort of hearing his voice again was overwhelming. My heart was ready to leap out of my body.
"Hello?" He spoke and I couldn't help but swoon.
"Hi" I breathed out.
"Who is this?"

Those three words broke me. Broke my heart, my spirit, my motivation.
I hung up.
And like some sick and twisted pathetic fallacy, it started to rain, just as the first tear fell from my eye.
The rain poured hard. I didn't have a coat and so I just accepted the fact I was going to get soaked.
But I didn't care.
He'd forgotten me. Deleted my number and forgotten. The one person I wanted most had forgotten me. I cried as I walked. I walked slowly. My mind was still trying to grasp on what just happened. I wished that I had just imagined everything, that I would wake up from the day dream and do it again, and this time he would say my name, want me, need me.
My hair clung to my face, my T-shirt stuck uncomfortably to my body. But I just felt nothing.
I didn't think I could break so easily. I thought I was strong.
But I wasn't.