We Met On The Train

27.

Faith Elizabeth
"Shawn,"
"I'll honestly make it up to you anyway you want."  He said.
"I know"
"Then what do you want?" He asked and I shook my head.
"I don't want anything from you Shawn. I just want you. I want the Shawn I was just starting to get when I left Canada. That shy, sweet, unsure Shawn. I just want you for who you truly are" I sighed, "but I don't want fake. I don't want you to just come back into my life because you feel like you owe it to me, because in reality you don't owe me anything"
"I know. But I want to start up where we left off" he sighed and I tried to hide the smile playing on my lips.

I met his eye and for the first time in a month my heart started to properly beat.
I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him with everything I had within me.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't let him in so easy.
I tried to put a wall up to defend myself.
I didn't want to get hurt again.
"You should probably get ready"I whispered as he started to lean in.
"Probably"he said and sighed before walking over to a clothing rack. "Are you ok with me getting changed here?"
"Nothing I haven't seen before" I blurted before blushing, "sorry"

He started to pull of his T-shirt and I tried to not look. I tried to not stare but my trying wasn't hard enough.
I ran my eyes down his torso quickly before looking away. I bit my lip as I heard the sound of his jeans unzip.
"Could you help me with something?" He asked and I turned around just as he pulled his black trousers up, his upper body still bare.
"These buttons on here are square and I can't get them through" he smiled as he shrugged on a shirt.
"You're such a child" I giggled walking over to him.
"I know I know. I think it has something to do with the fact I have large hands as well" he laughed and I blushed as my fingers worked the buttons.
"These are so stupid" I said as I struggled with one half way down his body.
We both fell into a laughter and I cherished the moment.
"Can I tell you something?" He said suddenly and I nodded. "There were so many times I had your contact up on my phone. So many times I was ready to phone you and be something again. It got to a point where it was distracting me, so I deleted you from my phone. I tried to forget about you and what happened but I never did. I couldn't" he explained and I was close to tears.
I just wrapped my arms around him and sniffed back the tears.

"Shawn, oh I'm sorry" I heard from the door and pulled away from him to see Shawn's mum stood in the doorway.
"Mum you remember Faith don't you?" Shawn said and I smiled.
"I didn't even recognise you! How are you?" She smiled and I nodded.
"I'm good thank you, and yourself?"
"Good thank you. Shawn you need to get ready backstage" She said and Shawn nodded.
He put his hand on my back as we walked out of the room.
"Where are you watching the show from?" Shawn asked and I grabbed my ticket from my bag.
"Standing" I said simply and Karen smiled.
"We'll watch together" she said and I felt a relief that I had her with me.

As we got to backstage Karen hugged her son, and wished him good luck.
He turned to me and I smiled, my palms starting to get sweaty.
"Have fun" I smiled and he nodded. He held out his arms and I gave him a quick hug.
"You know where you're going?" Shawn asked and Karen nodded pointing to where fans stood behind metal railing.
"Stand outside the railing I don't want you getting hurt. Jake will stand with you" Shawn said and Jake, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere, nodded.
"Good luck," I smiled and quickly grabbed his hand.
Shawn smiled and I tried to keep his hand in contact with mine for as long as possible before his fingers slipped out of mine and he ran up onto the stage to the sound of around twenty thousand screams.

We quickly walked to where Shawn told us to be and I immediately smiled seeing him up there.
He looked so at home. He looked careless and free. But there was an element of worry on his face that caused me to have an underlying sense of anxiety for him.
I noticed some girls nearby recognise both of us, but I was too mesmerised by Shawn to pay them any mind.
I had to cover my ears as the screams got louder just as he started to talk.
"Are you ok?!" Karen said in my ear and I nodded. "You get used to it!" She smiled and briefly took a hold of my hand. "I'm worried for him" she said as the screams died down.
"Why? What's wrong?"
"He's not been very well over these past few days. But he'll pull through. He always does" she said and I nodded.

As the show went on I noticed that he looked like he was in pain as he sang. I tried to enjoy it as much as I could, but by the second half, seeing him like that worried me.
"Something isn't right" I said to Karen as we watched him run off stage.
I made my way quickly backstage and followed him, knowing Karen wasn't far behind.
Shawn got a few meters in front of me before breaking down, coughing and crying.
I threw my bag down and bent down in front of him, just slowly rubbing my arm across his shoulder.
He covered his face in his hands and I brushed his wet hair off of his face.
"Shawn if you can't finish your can't finish. Everyone will understand" Karen said as people started to gather.
"I'm finishing it" he breathed.
"Shawn buddy you have four songs left, skip two. Just do Fallin' All in You and Roses" Andrew said and Shawn nodded.
"Why those?" I asked.
"Shit I forgot to tell you, we're projecting the video on the back screen. The proper release is in a few days but we knew you were coming to this one so" Shawn explained and my heart started to thud as I nodded.

He stood up slowly and I kept my hand rubbing circles on his back as we reached the stage.
He turned to me as everyone slowly dispersed.
"I'll be letting everyone down" he sighed.
I placed my hand on his face and brushed my thumb across his cheek.
"You could never" I smiled.
As if on an impulse, his hands fell to my waist and pulled my body to his as our lips met. The sound, the people, almost everything faded into nothing as I savoured the feeling of the kiss.
I couldn't resist him.
As our lips moved I felt my knees falter and I held him for support.
I ran my hands over his torso, feeling his muscles contract and release under my touch. I had to try to not let the brewing moan sound raise out of my chest as the kiss got deeper.
It seemed to end as soon as it started. He pulled away and quickly ran back onto stage, leaving me shocked, breathless, and desperate for him.

I quickly pulled myself together and went back to where I stood prior to the ordeal.
He explained sadly how he was ill before going on to sing 'Roses'. I, along with twenty thousand others, watched him head off stage in the middle of the song, only to return with a large bouquet of roses in his hands. One by one he plucked the flowers from the band and handed them out to frantic girls.
He headed in our direction, two last flowers left, nearing the end of the song.
I couldn't help but smile as he held out the last remaining flower for me to take, singing the last lyrics of the song.
As he finished I took the flower and hugged him tight, listening to the endless screams, hardly aware of the phone cameras and professional cameras focused on us.

After the song he didn't go back on stage, I knew what was coming and I could feel anxiety rise in my throat as the lights went down and the video started to play.