New Beginnings

Chapter 36: Questions

Rendal POV

I paced back and forth in my room, up and down the length of it, forwards and backwards.  Had I been thinking about it I probably would have been worried about wearing down the carpet.  But my mind was on other things.  More important things.  Things that could change my life either for better or worse depending on what I chose to do and if I chose to ask the question.  Ha!  What am I saying?  This isn't just about me.  No, this is about a certain question that I've been thinking about lately and it is the answer to that question that shall determine not only my future but the future of another.

I continued to walk, deciding to change my path slightly and began pacing in another part of the room.  Sliding my hand into one of the pockets of my robe to pull out a small black box, which fit easily into the palm of my hand.  For a moment I stopped and stared at it.  Just taking the time to imagine its contents on the one I wanted to present it to.  I sighed and began fumbling with the little box, opening it to admire the beauty of the object inside.

A ring.  It was a single ribbon rose gold ring, with tiny little white diamonds in little clusters around it.  It was simple yet elegant, or at least I thought it was.  I had spent nearly all of the credits I owned in order to buy it, in the hopes of giving it to my one true love when I proposed to her.

If I could actually work up the courage to do it that is.

Right now though I panicked every time I thought of trying to get down on one knee and ask her to be my wife, and I had every reason to be petrified.  For one thing if we get caught or found out that we would be expelled from the Order, and I didn't want that to happen because while Alexa had lived on her own for years as a child I had never been without the Jedi Order to help me live in good conditions.  Or at least it did most of the time anyway, there were a few missions when...  Oh but I'm getting off track again.  Still it was more than that, if we were thrown out in the street I worry that I won't be able to help look after Alexa.  I feel like it's my job to make sure she's safe and out there, on our own, there are no guarantees of that.  That was also one of the reasons I didn't want to get an engagement ring that would be too flashy, I didn't want the other Jedi to see it and find us out.

What about our friends?  What would happen if we were forced to leave and we could never see them again?  Anakin would kill me for a start, then Maya would probably break down in tears and be angry with me for doing something so stupid and getting us caught.  I honestly don't know what Jay would do and...  What about Cora?  She and Alexa are getting surprisingly close and if we had to leave?  The poor girl would be crushed!  I'd hate to see that....

Then there was the big reason I was afraid to propose to Alexa....  I was terrified that she'd say no.

Alexa is my one true love, I know for sure that I'll never love another the way I love her.  I've been in love with her from the moment I saw her, we've been sweethearts ever since I was 13, we've saved each other's lives more times than we care to count and now that I want to be joined with her forever in marriage....  I'm worried that she'll turn me down.  If she does that I don't know what I'll do.  My heart will break into millions of tiny pieces and I will never love anyone else again.  Ever.

Then on the other hand if she says yes I'll be the happiest man in the galaxy and I'll get to have the woman of my dreams for my wife!  To have and to hold....  Forever in my arms.  What I wouldn't give to have that happen.  To be able to put a ring on her finger, kiss her then announce to the world that the one and only Miss Alexa Arnjard has become Mrs Alexa Brask.  Oh what a joy that would be!  If I could just have that I would never wish for anything else again, because I'd have everything I'd need.

So the question is...  Is it all worth the risk?

Maya POV

I grinned to myself as I walked through the hallways, headed back to my room.  I'm so happy that Jay and I finally sorted things out, I had been worried that we weren't going to and that this whole thing was going to blow up out of proportion.  As I turned a corner I saw Anakin walking the opposite way towards me.  "Hi Maya did you find Jay?"