Hello Stranger- I'm a Disaster (Freddie Mercury love story)

38.)Bring It Back Home to Me

A few days came and went. I still can't wrap my head around the thought that these may be my last days with the love of my life. Each morning I wake up I die a little inside, when I look next to me and see her peacefully asleep. I will do anything for this woman. I can't bare the thought of being without her.

Every night, I sneak out of bed when Cherie's sleeping. My mind won't shut off. I've been trying to finish the song I started writing for Cherie since my birthday in Vegas. The problem is I have too many emotions disrupting my train of thought. My song was starting to sound as sad and hopeless as Cheries Spanish death song. I hate that death is on both of our mind so heavily.

As for me and my girl, we've been working on us. The last few days since she told me the news, she started acting like her old self and I couldn't be more happy about that. I've started staying in the guest room with her every night instead of sleeping by myself in my room. It's easier for Cherie to stay on the main floor. Plus, I think she doesn't like the memories that the staircase brings.

I hate that house now. Everything about it feels so morbid. But, obviously, right now is not the time to pack up and move. No, we'll have to wait until the babies are born for us to find a new home. Whether my Angel is still here with us or not, we won't be living there. The memories will be too strong and I undoubtedly will be at my weakest if..if Cherie doesn't end up surviving the birth of our children.

It's crazy how everything in my world now revolves around that thought. Everything I do, I think about it as a last chance type of thing. Last chance to buy her flowers, last chance to hear her laugh, last chance to commit as much as I can to memory. To hide those memories away in a special section in my heart and brain so that I can always remember her. I don't like when Cherie talks about it, but that's only because it's all I think about like I said. I know she has to get her feelings out though, so when she really wants to talk about it I always do my best to listen and comfort her. I never would've thought that the day I find someone to love with all my heart that I'd be lucky enough to father children by her- only to possibly have her ripped away from me.

To tell you the truth, I'm scared of being alone to raise our kids. I know that their little faces or smiles or their personalities will constantly remind me of their beautiful mother. I don't know if my heart is strong enough.

"How was that, Fred?," I've been so wrapped up in myself I forgot I was supposed to be listening to Deaks new song idea.

"One more time," I shouted into the microphone from the control room. This time using my full concentration to listen to the song.

Dirnt ...dirnt... dirnt ...ba ba ba ba dun uh..

A smile slid across my face without even realizing it. I feel like I haven't genuinely smiled in a long while. The beat was hot! My toe instantly started tapping away to the catchy rhythm. John finished up and walked out of the recording room to where I sat.

"I think it has loads of potential," Brian smiled and pat Deacy on the back.

" hmm, I agree mate! What's the lyric?," I smiled up at them enthusiastically. At least, music always finds a way to soothe me.

The guys all had sugggestions and we worked together to come up with a theme. The beat felt like a dancey groove, but at the same time it was fiery enough to be something else entirely. I had too much fight broiling up inside of me to think of anything other than hostile lyrics. My words scribbled across the page slipped into the anger that has been bottled deep within my gut.

"Steve walks warily down the street
With the brim pulled way down low
Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet,
Machine guns ready to go..."