Hello Stranger- I'm a Disaster (Freddie Mercury love story)

47.) How I Loved You

The stinging sound of my doorbell chiming through the acoustics in this house, woke me just for the fact that the shrill bell in my ears made my pounding head want to explode. I have to make it stop.

Running down the steps two at a time, I swing the door open. the sunlight burns my eyes so I step back into the shadow behind the door.

"Jesus, you really need to clean yourself up.," a chuckling Brian steps inside and closes the door behind him.

I stifle a yawn while nodding my head. Consequently, I slap my hand to my face when I quickly grip my aching jaw. I can just imagine how distraught of a sight I am right now.

"I came to take you to pick up your car, but if your not up to it I can just-"

"No, I'll be right down. Let me shower.," I absently comb my fingers through my hair, which is disgustingly sticky. Without waiting for his response I head back to my bedroom, to my on suit bathroom.

I turn the water to the hottest heat I can stand and let the water scorch down my spine. A flood of images spiral through my memory. I scrub the shampoo into my scalp. Me- screaming my head off. Me- destroying the nursery. My fingers stop moving and slide to my sides. My precious Angel baby-looking up at me in a trance of horror. I was a monster. I wouldn't be surprised if she did leave me now-

Running out of the shower I quickly grab the towel hanging on the rack and run down the stairs. "Cherie! Cherie, darlin?"

"Freddie, what the-" I didn't have time to hear him out, or be bashful, I wrapped the towel around my waist and burst into the guest bedroom to find it empty. Soapy suds start to run down and sting my eyes. Wiping it away I search the dresser, open the closet, everything is still there but- turning back to the bed I get down on my hands and knees....the suitcase. It's gone!

It's gone. That means she's gone. She left. She's finally left me and it's all my fault! This time she had every reason to go. I get off my knees and fall back on my butt, I have no more tears to cry. My heart hurts so much, I feel everything and nothing all at once.

I love her. I love her. She's gone.

That's all that keeps repeating in my head! What do I do? ! Where did she go? !

Brian appeared in the doorway, then. I'm sitting in the room, towel barely covering my body, but I don't care. All I can do is shake my head in my hands and let the moans of my sorrow erupt from my mouth. My chest is heavy and my breath keeps hitching in my throat, inviting my mournful regrets to escape one choke at a time.

"She's g-gone. She..she's never coming b-back. Bri...Bri, What do I do!? What have I done!?," I feel like one of those dramatic actors in the old black and white films. Lost. All is lost and I'm sitting in this empty room of this empty house in despair.

Brian looks to be in a state of shock. He's never seen me so vulnerable, so emotional. I know I must be frightening him. I rise to my feet with my head hanging down low and my shoulders slouched into a humpback.

"I'll be right back," I call back over my shoulder. He's still standing in the doorway of the guest room, looking in like as if Cherie will miraculously appear at any moment.

I wish.

The water of the shower is still running. The steam filled room is suffocating. I jumped back into the shower and rinse off. When I'm done I stare at the stranger of myself in the mirror, my eyes are stained a bright red color thanks to the shampoo that burned them. I've almost completely forgotten about my hangover headache. All I feel is NUMB.

I get dressed as quickly as I can. Just some old blue jeans and a polo shirt. When I start for the stairs, I see Brian waiting by the front door. I don't say anything to him, I feel slightly embarrassed to have lost it in front of him just a few minutes ago. He's a good friend. I know he won't bring it up until I do.