The Broken Road - A Zac Efron Novel (18+)

Chapter 65 - Your Choice

I knew something was up when Seth told me Jess left and went home. When he told me I was supposed to meet her back at my place, I had a pretty good idea he told her something he shouldn't have. I could sense my life as I knew it was about to be over.   I had no idea.

When I got home, I rushed through the front door and called out for Jess.  I didn't receive a response and I was startled when I found drawers and cupboards in the kitchen opened haphazardly with Jess nowhere in sight.  I ran through the house, calling out her name, but I couldn't find her.  I eventually made my way out to the pool, where I saw a glass of ice water sitting on a small, glass end table next to a pool lounger.  I couldn't see her, but I could see her silhouette shadowed on the pavement next to it.

"I was worried sick," I said as I tried to catch my breath. "I've been looking all over for you," I said as I lingered behind her.

She didn't say a word.  She didn't need to.  She reached out next to her and set a vial of coke on the table. 

The sound of the glass container coming into contact with the glass table top is one I'll never forget.  It still echoes in my mind.

In that moment, I froze- unsure of what to do next. 

Eventually, I walked around her pool lounger, prepared to face her.

The sight before me was absolutely heartbreaking.  Her eyes were bloodshot, her face was swollen and soaked with tears. It. was obvious she'd been sitting there crying for a long time.  I'd never seen her like that before.  When she found out Aaron was cheating on her, she was a complete wreck.  But, in that moment, when she sat by the pool, she wasn't only utterly devastated, she was disappointed.  I had let her down.  I'd shattered her.

"Did you ever stop using?" she finally choked out.

"Jess..."

"Please, don't lie to me."

"I wanted to," I said as I got choked up.  "When we were traveling, I never used.  That entire time, that was just you and me.  Two people crazy in love with each other."

"But when we've been home?  In LA?"

"I used the night of the Golden Globes.  I didn't again until we got back from our trip.  I swear to you, this doesn't have anything to do with you, or my love for you.   This is just about me trying to fit in with everyone on set, about cutting loose and having a good time.  One last hurrah before you and I settle down with each other.  I was going to quit when you got home, but you surprised me.  Now that you're here, this is all over."

"You really believe that?  You believe you can stop?  Just like that?"

It was my turn to cry as tears and sobs flowed freely from me.  She sat up, sliding her body next to mine as she wrapped her arms around me.

"Yes," I choked out.  I knew it was a lie.

"I don't believe you," she replied coldly.

I cried out, hyperventilating, as my nose started running and I choked on my own saliva.  I knew my secret was out and I was about to lose everything.

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes. I know she was thinking of what a failure I was.  I know she was wishing we'd never fallen in love.  And I knew she remembered what she had told me that first day home from New York – that she would hate me if I ever made her leave me over this. 

The thought of her hating me was the worst feeling of all.

"It started out as me wanting to lower my inhibitions and fit in with everyone on set.  I'm not into using all the hardcore drugs those guys are, but, I didn't want to miss out.  I didn't want to be the only guy who was going home at the end of the work day."

"Seth told me you guys were smoking pot, but that you're using stuff a lot harder than that now. I know you're using coke and pills.  What else?"

"I swear to you, that's it.  I'm using coke pretty regularly, and I need the Adderall to come back from the crash."

"I want you to get help.  Zac, look at me," she said as she turned my head to look her in the eye.  "I need you to get help.  I will be here, by your side through it all, the good and the bad, but you need to get help," she pleaded with me as we both sobbed.

"It's really not that big of a deal.  I can stop.  And I will stop."

She shook her head 'no,' emphatically.

"Zac, that's not good enough.  Not anymore.  There's stuff going on in my life right now...stuff that is going to effect both of us.  I need you.  I need us to be a team.  I will be there for you, but I need to know you're going to get help," she stroked my hair.  "Because I need you too."

"Baby, it's not like I'm an addict.  I will go back to seeing my therapist.  I'll get back into NA."

"No.  I think you need professional help.  Full time.  This is your one and only chance with me.  I'm not interested in hearing how you'll try the same thing again.  It didn't work last time," she said as she stood up.  "The stakes are a lot higher now."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm not going to drag you kicking and screaming to rehab, but that is where you need to go.  Right now. You need to figure out what is more important to you – drugs or us.  You don't get to have both.  You've lied to me.  I'm standing here telling you I'm willing to put it behind me if you get help, but this is your only chance with me.  When you're ready to go to rehab, you know how to get in touch with me."

"Jess..." I started again, but it was no use.  She wasn't hearing any of it, and I can't say I blame her.

She stormed off, leaving me to survey the damage...the aftermath...on my own.

My first instinct in that moment was to get high. She'd left that vial of coke sitting on the table by the pool. I pushed the temptation from my mind - temporarily - and made my way up to the kitchen.

Sitting on the counter was a large box with a giant bow on top of it.  I had noticed it when I first walked in, but got distracted searching for Jess.

I brought the box over to the dining room table and sat down, taking the lid off the box.  Inside, I found a an envelope labeled "Clue #1," a box labeled "Clue #2" and another box, labeled "Clue #3."

I took a deep breath as I opened the first envelope.  It was a calendar of the month of December, with a heart drawn around the 25th - Christmas Day.  I carefully opened the box for my second clue, contemplating where we were taking our next trip to.  Inside, I found two pairs of white, Converse high-top sneakers.  One in my size, and one in Jess' size.  I furrowed my brow, confused, and I moved the last clue box in front of me.  It was considerably smaller than the first, and I slowly removed the top.  There was another envelope inside, and the contents of the box were concealed by white tissue paper.

I opened the flap of the envelope, removing a black and white photograph.  The absolute last thing I ever expected to find in that box.  I realized then, when she referred to "us" earlier, she wasn't referring to her and me at all.  The photo was grainy, and didn't look like much, but it was obviously an ultrasound picture.  I flipped the photo over, reading the message she left for me:

This Christmas will be the merriest of them all.  I can't wait to meet you daddy.

Love you lots,
Baby E

I couldn't breathe as I pulled back the tissue paper, revealing the tiniest pair of Converse sneakers I'd ever seen.

My entire life came to a screeching halt.