The Broken Road - A Zac Efron Novel (18+)

Chapter 95 - From This Day Forward

Just as instructed, I waited for Jess in the extravagant, marble lobby of her office building at 7 PM for our first 'not date' date. Almost everyone else had long since gone home for the night and the lobby was dead silent. I heard the elevator ding and her high heels click on the floor before she came around the corner and into view. True to her word, she was still in the same bright pink dress from earlier, carrying the same Louis Vuitton tote bag she had for years.  She'd pulled her hair into a top knot, but she still looked amazing.

"Shall we?" I asked as we walked through the turn-style door and onto Broad Street. "Taxi?" I offered, looking down at her four-inch heels. She cocked her head to the side and gave me a knowing look. "Subway it is," I laughed.

We walked two blocks to the Wall Street Station and made it just in time.  She stood on the train, protesting that she was stuck sitting at her desk most of the day and she caught me staring at her as we wend under the East River on our way to Brooklyn.

"What?" she blushed, looking down at her feet.

"It's just...different seeing you like this. All career-woman...fancy dress, stilettos, carrying your laptop home after a long day at the office."

"This is my life now, Z."

"I know," I smiled.  "It's a good look on you, trust me."

We made our way to the restaurant, were seated at our table and ordered our usual - a porterhouse for two.

"I know I said this wasn't a date, but obviously I have something on my mind," I said as I refilled her wine glass.

"I figured..."

"You...you have to know I want you, right?  That I want to be with you?"

"You don't do a very good job at hiding it," she teased me, before adding, "I wish it were that easy.  But you know it isn't.  I'm not going to leave New York, Zac.  I'm just...I'm not.  And I know you're not going to leave California.  I can't let myself have feelings for you when I know there isn't a future for us."

"Let yourself have feelings for me?  Come on Jess..." I sighed.  "You're in love with me, and I'm in love with you.  Pretending we're not doesn't make any of this easier.  You're the one...I've known that since the freaking night I met you."

"Why do you keep pushing this?"

"Because, we are going to end up together.  And I don't want that to be when I wake up, an old man, who has regrets that I had the girl, the only girl, when I was twenty five fucking years old and I let her get away because I didn't fight hard enough for her.  I was stupid enough to make that mistake once...and hell is going to freeze over before I let it happen again.  I don't want to settle for someone else. I only want you."

"Zac," she said as she fought back tears.  "What's the point?"

"First of all, we need to stop all the crying," I said as tears welled up in my eyes.  "Ok?  We love each other, and we've been lucky enough to find our way back into each other's lives...we need to stop being so sad about that."

She dabbed at the corner of her eyes with her napkin, as she told me, "I'm sorry.  You're right." 

"Just hear me out...ok?  I'm in New York for a few more months.  Let's just...see what happens.  Maybe, in a few months, neither of us is willing to budge on moving.  And yes, it will suck.  And it will hurt.  But I would rather give this everything we've got and be hurt in the end than walk out of here tonight knowing I will never have someone in my life that I love as much as I love you."

"I understand what you're saying, I do.  I want us to be friends, Zac.  But there's...a lot of stuff I have to work through in my mind...about how our relationship ended.  I don't know if I can go through this again.  Loving you, having you, and then it all being ripped away.  I barely survived it the first time."