The Broken Road - A Zac Efron Novel (18+)

Chapter 75 - Freefall

The loss I suffered was vastly different than the one Jessica suffered. She had carried our daughter inside of her for 18 weeks and I will never understand what that felt like. Looking back on that time, I realize I was grieving for her loss when I should have been grieving with her. The truth is, after the initial shock wore off, I was relieved we weren't going to be parents. It wasn't the right time for us to start a family.  I struggled to balance the relief I felt with the utter devastation she felt. I was in uncharted territory and I was way out of my league when it came to understanding her emotions. I knew I was failing in my duties to support and comfort her.

After we returned home from the hospital, I tried everything to ease her suffering and nothing worked. She turned ice cold to me. She wouldn't speak to me unless I asked her a specific question. The bubbly, vivacious, active person I fell in love with was gone. All she wanted to do was stay in bed.

After the second straight day of silence, I knew I needed to call in reinforcements.

Kate was on the first flight out to California as soon as I called her. The morning she arrived, there was a soft, gentle knock on my front door. I already had tears in my eyes as I opened it for her. I felt like a complete and utter failure.

"I'm so sorry," Kate whispered. She also had tears in her eyes as she pulled me in closely.

"No, I'm sorry for not calling sooner. She didn't want anyone to know."

"Stubborn as always," Kate smirked. "There's no need to be sorry. There's no chapter on how to handle something like this in the book on life," she sighed. "How are you?" she asked as she separated from me and looked me in the eyes.

"She's...she isn't Jess anymore. She won't say or do anything. She won't talk to me. She won't eat. She won't get in the shower. She just stays in bed all day. This morning, she locked herself in the bathroom and she won't come out," I choked out through my tears.

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry this is happening. It's going to take some time. But how are you doing?"

"I feel helpless. I don't want to push her right now, but I can't just let her keep going like this either."

"You did the right thing by calling."

"Where's Addie?"

"At home with Chaz. I didn't know how Jess would react to seeing Addie after all she's been through, so thought it might be good to leave her at home."

"You're such a good friend to her," I sighed. "I don't know what else to do," I sighed as I rubbed the back of my head.

"Zac, it's ok. This is going to be ok. Anna and Brittany will be here soon. Can I see her?"

"Of course," I replied and I led her down the hallway to our bedroom.

I softly knocked on the bathroom door. There was no response.

"Honey, Kate is here," I said softly. There was still nothing.

"If you don't open this door, I'm going to break it down. I love you, but I'm going to be pissed, because it's going to hurt," Kate said gently, but you could still tell she was serious.

I could hear movement finally and the door unlocked. Kate motioned to me that she had things under control and I left them alone. I made my way to the kitchen, where I knew they wouldn't be able to hear me, and hunched over the counter as I cried.

I was broken.

Not because we lost the baby, but because my best friend, my partner in crime, the love of my life, was broken.