The Broken Road - A Zac Efron Novel (18+)

Chapter 85 - Regrets

When Jess told me we had to start letting go of each other, I wasn't only gutted because I knew she was serious, I was gutted because I could tell she was hanging on to her feelings for me as well. Knowing that, while accepting the reality of our situation was gut-wrenching, and it made me think back to an incident that happened when I was promoting my film, Neighbors.

I was living in a foggy haze of cocaine and pills, so it didn't register at the time as being that significant, but reflecting back on it after Jess told me we had to move on...it was earth shattering.

*~*Flashback, April 2014*~*

We were filming a commercial for Neighbors, and I don't even remember how, but somehow, Seth convinced me it would be a good idea to costar with Aaron Rodgers in a promo spot to air during Sunday football.

It was awkward as fuck, to say the very least. Even more so when Aaron walked up to Seth and I and said, "Zac, let's go have a chat, man-to-man."

I swallowed hard as I sized Aaron up. I was pretty sure I could take him if I had to, but he definitely had about 50 pounds on me.

We found a quiet corner of the studio space and sat down in two director chairs. I let him have the first jab.

"I'm just going to be blunt. When Jess and I broke up, I wanted to fix things with her and to try and make it work. I laid down the sword because I honestly thought she was happy with you. If I would have known then what you were going to put her through, I never would have let you have that chance."

"Don't fucking talk to me about her man. You don't know anything about our fucking relationship."

"You're right. I don't. But I know her. Whether you want to admit it or not, I know her. And, I'm also one of the few men on this planet who knows what it's like to go through losing her. I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice, man. Not because I care about you...I don't give a shit about you, but I care about her. And I honestly believe she loves you. Anna told me she's run off to New York and she's lost like twenty pounds...she's scary skinny. She's not doing well."

I was boiling with rage under the surface. How dare he, after everything he'd put her through. But, Anna had shared the same concerns with me- that despite her putting on a brave face, she was ready to break at any second.

"So, spit it out. What do you want to tell me?"

"Clearly you're going through some...stuff...right now. It isn't my business. I'm not here to lecture you about that. I just want you to know, from someone who has been there...you never get over losing her. Remember that day?  On the plane?  You told me I was going to wake up one day and realize what a mistake I made...well, you were right.  You might be numb to it now, but that void in your life...the one that sits like a pit in your stomach...the one that makes it hard to breath when you think of her...it never gets better. You'll try and move on, you'll try and find someone to fill that void, but it never goes away. It's been two years since her and I have been together. I will still hear a song on the radio or someone will be wearing the same perfume she does, and it will take me right back to the fucking day I lost her and the pain is just as intense."

"So, what's your advice?"

"Get your act together, before she's gone forever. Whatever you've got to do, find a way to fix things before it's too late. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't. Without a doubt, losing her is the biggest regret I have in my life."

"What if I can't? Fix it, I mean? How do you move on?"

"You won't. I have a new girlfriend now, but I know, and she knows, there is a part of me that still hangs on to Jess. No one will ever compare to her, and everyone knows it. You can't give yourself fully to anyone else if you're trying to compare your new relationships to what you had with her. So, you just hope for the best. You do the best you can to try and make it work. It's not a great way to live, man."