The Broken Road - A Zac Efron Novel (18+)

Chapter 71 - Home

Ever since I found out I was pregnant, Zac and I were on an emotional roller coaster. We had gone from the initial shock and anguish of learning we were expecting while Zac battled with addiction to elation as our pregnancy and his recovery progressed. We were at an all-time high the day of our 12-week ultrasound. Everything became real that day - we were about to become a family, a real family, the kind I had always wanted to have, even if the surrounding circumstances weren't what I had envisioned.

I spent that afternoon reminiscing about that perfect, amazing night in Ireland, before we had yet another incredible night at home. We still hadn't told anyone besides Kate we were pregnant, even though we had reached the 12-week mark and our doctor assured us there was no cause for concern. I wanted to make sure Zac was stable in his recovery before we shared something so deeply personal and private with anyone else.

The truth was, I was afraid to tell anyone because if anything happened with Zac's sobriety, I didn't know what I would do or if our relationship would survive. And, even though I had grown to love Zac's family as my own, I knew they would ultimately be disappointed in us as they put the timeline of our pregnancy and his addiction struggles together. It was irresponsible of us to say the least, and neither of us wanted to disappoint them any more than we were already going to with the news of Zac's addiction.

Zac and I were the last to arrive to his grandparent's house in Bend, Oregon, after a short, private flight from LA for what was supposed to be a celebration for the Fourth of July holiday. We took a deep breath and held each other's hand as we walked inside. We were greeted warmly by everyone and walking into that house was one of the things I loved most about his family- how the sound of unconditional love would permeate the room whenever we arrived. I hadn't seen Zac's parents in-person since Christmas and hadn't seen his grandparents since our first meeting at Thanksgiving.

There is no right time or place to deliver the kind of news Zac had, but, true to form, Starla knew something was wrong the second we walked in the door. Zac's grandfather, who had no way of knowing what had transpired in the months prior to our visit, offered Zac and I a beer when we arrived. When we politely declined, Zac's dad pressed the issue and Zac, Dylan and I all glanced at each other. That quick, nervous glance between the three of us was all Starla needed to know something was amiss.

"Why don't we all go sit outside. I'm about to ruin your holiday weekend," Zac sighed as he lifted his baseball hat off his head and nervously rubbed his hair with one hand while I protectively gripped his other.

We sat around a table in Zac's grandparent's yard, surrounded by beautiful woodland views in every direction, as Zac began to share his struggles with his family. He started by explaining the tremendous pressure he felt to be the best at everything, so he didn't let his family down, which led to crippling anxiety and, sometimes, severe depression.

Zac's grandma reached out from across the table and held his hand in hers as tears filled her eyes. He gently let go of my hand and wrapped his other hand around hers, trying to comfort her as he continued.

I sat, silently, while Zac did his best to explain how his anxiety and depression led him to drugs. It was difficult for him to get the words out, as he described the extent of his addiction, and confessed to having overdosed twice in the last year...a fact I was completely unaware of up until that point. I did my best to hide the shock and utter devastation I felt. That day was about Zac opening up to his family so they could be part of his recovery. I could deal with my feelings later.

The weekend when we finally professed our love for each other in the attic of Zac's parent's house felt like it happened ten lifetimes ago. I couldn't bring myself to look Starla in the eye, afraid she would figure out we were pregnant.