The Masked Emotions Redux: Linger

NEGOTIATIONS

Enzio/Joslin/Rachel

There were a lot of things that Enzio learned to live without when he cut himself off from Lana's life from what seemed like a lifetime ago – that extra bowl of rocky road when he was her shoulder to cry on, binge-watching cheesy romance movies, and just being completely open. It was difficult not having a person in his life where he could turn to for everything and anything. But at the same time, he hated feeling used, having his feelings toyed with and affection misused. This was the reason why he hated letting people in. For a long time, he experienced a sense of fear in allowing someone to see him as emotionally fragile. The fear of getting close. The fear of being comforted. The fear of getting his heartbroken again.

For him, it was a strange paradox. He loved Lana, but he was never good enough to be with her no matter what he did, and in turn that created a fear to be vulnerable and let someone see him for who he was. He didn't want to be hurt like that again. Joslin and Rachel tried time and time again to comfort him and let him know that he was safe, that he could be himself around them. However, he couldn't. Whenever he was with them he was either the man in the mask or the man who was emotionally distant.

He was afraid to love. He did care deeply for Joslin, but he would never love her in fear of that pain coming back. A pain that instantly reignited when Lana tried to use him, a clear indication that he would never be over her. She asked her to be her Dom and deep down, he couldn't believe that he turned her down. As Dom 241 he saw many clients four days a week, there was no connection with them emotionally. He knew what they wanted and would take care of their needs, but as Enzio, it would be a different experience Enzio never had his own sub. It would be like relearning everything from scratch again and he would have to connect with them on a deeply emotional level. This was a personal hurdle he wasn't sure that he was ready to face as his eyes focused on the wooden box on his desk. It wasn't too big, made from rich cherry oak and shiny, the kind that came from an uptown jewelry store. Inside of it contained the kind of keepsakes that some would say he was torturing himself, but in reality, it was just a reminder.

He opened it and the first thing his eyes focused on was the small empty bottle of Bacardi. It was the last bottle he drank before he asked for help. Under that, it was the hospital bracelet, and after that a stack of letters. Each one of the contents a reminder of why he should stay away from her and yet, he couldn't. "Maybe it was meant to be." He thought as closed the box, but he shook his head at the very idea. "Like that shit would ever happen."

When he walked out of the office, he grabbed a few of the cleaning supplies thrown about, stood on top of the railings overlooking the grand social hall, and began waxing the mahogany banisters. Constantly repeating a few of the letters he committed to memory to himself to mend the now fragile wall he kept around his heart. He glanced down as Joslin walked out of her office holding hands with Rachel. She was wearing a see-through blood-red sundress that showed the world just how confident she was with her body and sexuality. While Rachel was wearing tight black daisy dukes, a yellow tank top with no bra. The two of them glance upwards and saw him shirtless before giggling among themselves and he smiled back.

The two of them have been together for over six years and their relationship was based on a single understanding, no secrets, no matter how painful it was. This was the key factor that made their relationship strive in the type of lifestyle they chose to live in. Although Enzio has been the only man Joslin has ever slept with and technically they were in a matter of a sense a throuple. He knew the rules. They were first and then it was him. Which was how he was able to be with the both of them together and alone and he was the only man the two of them mutually loved. However, Rachel also knew that Joslin was deeply in love with the two of them. They would often joke from time to time about him marrying them, but he would just laugh and shrugged it off.