The Masked Emotions Redux: Linger

BLAMING OTHERS

SAMUEL

In the month since the rape, Samuel had found himself carrying an irreconcilable combination of fear, guilt, and obligation building inside. The fear of what Mitch and the others would do to him. The guilt of the rape and the obligation to tell the truth, but he couldn't. There were no phones, no tablets or computers in the pool house, not even a pen or paper. Outside his father hired several security officers to make sure he doesn't contact anyone ever since he almost told Lana the truth during his controlled conversation.

The following day, his father insisted that he accompanied the family to attend a soiree at the country club, but he refused, however, his father was persistent. "Those boys are going to be there." He softly spoke while laying out his clothing. "You need to show them that you're not scared of them. Show them that you are owning up to your mistakes and trying to be a better man. A man with conviction." He looked at his disheveled son. He smelled like he hasn't showered or shaved since that incident. His eyes showed how broken guilt-stricken he was and he forced out a smile. "Sammy, I need you to take a shower and when you come out, I'll have someone here to give you a nice cut and a shave." He turned to walk away, but Samuel grabbed his arm.

"I need to go to jail." He choked, "If I'm a man of conviction, then I need to face justice." His voice, broken and with no hope. This caused his father's face to soften and he let out a loud sigh.

"Son, you tried to stop it and they beat you and they forced you to have sex with her. Like I told the woman, the only one who would go to jail for this would be you. Those boys who actually brutally assaulted her would've walked, which was why I arranged that... form of justice. If you want to call the cops, fine, I'll let you." He grabbed his shoulders and his father's face hardened, "But after this party. I want you to see if those boys feel the same. I want you to face them as a man and hopefully, you could see a different path towards the redemption and justice you desperately crave." Confused, Samuel nodded and without another word, his father walked out of the room.

His shower was minimum, a quick lather, and rinse. He felt hollow, he didn't want to look at his reflection and just walked out where a man was waiting for him with a fold-out chair, a large bag, and a vinyl apron. The man spent the next half hour giving him a tight, clean-cut, and an extremely close shave. Afterward, he was observed by the security guards as he dressed and was promptly escorted out of the house and into the car waiting on the driveway and like the house, it was completely devoted to any form of electronics, and his mother bare look at him while his father tried to give him a reassuring smile that Samuel felt that he didn't deserve.

During the soiree, he was completely alienated from every single one of his inner circles. Something that he was expecting to happen. His closest friends avoided him, whispers were going around, about the rape and how it was only him who did it and his father covered it up, but that didn't seem to bother his father as he went about talking to the other members. Samuel looked around the spacious ballroom with coffered ceiling and impressive grand moldings that characterized the southern charm, thinking about the time he would just lay on the floor with his ex when they were children before they took off their shoes and slid across the hardwood floors.

Samuel thought it was pure irony that he thought about an innocent time when currently, he was far from it. He continued to walk from room to room and instead of focusing on his guilt of the rape or not reaching out to Lana, he kept thinking about her. Soon he found himself casually walking around the covered porch, staring at the backdrop of Mount Bonnell before his eyes settled on Lake Austin's portion of the Colorado River that reflected the moonlight. This was where he was planning to propose to her before she vanished. He smiled, it was the first genuine emotion he had since the rape and he wanted to cry for allowing himself to feel something different. He didn't deserve to.