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☆✼★━━━━━━━━★✼☆
FOR A MOMENT, Valentina was lost in the kiss. She kissed back for a second, because she knew that underneath all the fear of falling for Roger, it was what she really wanted. But she stopped herself quickly, because she knew what would happen. One kiss turns into multiple kisses and then come the real, full-on feelings that you can't hide or get rid of.
She pulled away quickly, Rogers hand still on her cheek. "Roger-" she started, her eyes wide. She quickly shook her head and looked down at her shoes.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I should have known...that you didn't want to kiss me-" he started talking but Valentina quickly silenced him, looking up at his regretful expression and shaking her head many times.
"No, no, it's not...it's not that I don't want to. It's that," she paused, letting out breathy a laugh despite how she was feeling, "I can't" she added, aware of how silly she was sounding.
"You can't?" He frowned, looking confused and slightly upset.
"No. I- oh fuck" she huffed, now only angry about how she felt. She was angry at her ex boyfriend, for making her afraid of falling for someone again. And she was angry at herself, for being so reluctant with Roger, when all she wanted to do was embrace it and not worry about feeling fear.
"I can! I just have this mental barrier, it's stopping me going anywhere with you. I pretend like I don't have all these feelings for you, because I'm scared of them. Roger, I'm scared of falling in love again. And yeah, I am aware of fucking silly it sounds. I was hurt, and now have this big fear that if I let someone love me again, they'll hurt me like that.." she sighed.
Roger stood frozen in place, a look of concern etched onto his face. "I had no idea, Val. I'm sorry.." was all he could manage, feeling a sudden ache in his chest, before she shook her head.
"No, it's fine. I'm fine. I just, I hate that I let it affect my life still. I wanna leave it all behind, forget he ever existed, but when I met you and I started to like you like that, it bought everything back. I want to do all this without being scared, Rog. I hate admitting all this to you, but if I don't tell you why I'm scared, you'll never understand me" she said, forgetting that she was in a bar and that there were many people around them dancing and laughing.
"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you, I wouldn't do that to you. I don't want you to feel scared of me, or of your feelings. I don't expect you to just be okay all of a sudden, but I want you to know that I'll treat you right.." Roger replied, giving her a small smile.
She sighed, managing a smile at him too. "Thanks, Rog. I just needed to get that off my chest to you." She said, feeling better already. She hadn't noticed how much it had been weighing on her for the past months by bottling up all these feelings.
He just nodded and pulled her in close to his body, one hand on the small of her back, and the other rubbing gently back and forth up her spine, making her feel relaxed. "Is it okay if I go home?" She asked after a few minutes, looking up at him. She suddenly felt defeated, and all she wanted was to go to bed and forget about everything she had just told Roger.
"Sure, whatever you want. I'll get a taxi with you if you like" he said, a small smile on his face.
"It's okay, I'll be fine by myself" she smiled, "thanks for tonight though, I had a good time. I'll call you in the morning, okay? Tell the others I said bye and stuff" she said, checking that she had everything in her bag.
"Okay. I will. Thank you for coming, and for telling me everything" Roger paused for a moment, deliberating about what to do. He placed a small kiss on her forehead. "Speak to you soon" he smiled.
She returned it, "Bye Rog." She headed for the door and escaped the bar. She waited on the street for a few minutes, before she managed to flag down a taxi. On the drive back to her flat, she struggled to stay awake. Her thoughts were full of everything that had just happened, the feeling of Rogers lips still lingering on hers.
a u t h o r s n o t e ! super short chapter, sorry! i couldn't think of how to end it lmfao. ALSO, i'm gonna be doing sporadic updates on this story from now on, instead of trying to be regular. it just works best for me because i go through phases of having a lot of motivation and inspiration for writing, and phases where i'm just not feeling it. hope u guys understand n' stick with me! thank u sm for the constant votes & love on this book, y'all are the best 🥰
