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☆✼★━━━━━━━━★✼☆
( note: listen to 'postcard' by troye sivan whilst reading this chapter! )
VALENTINA RAN A black painted fingernail across the paper envelope that sat on her kitchen table, nervous to open it. It had been a month now, since the incident, and she had heard little from Roger after the heated phone call. He had tried to call once or twice again, but whenever Valentina heard his voice, she would hang up immediately, and try not to have a meltdown. She was trying her best to move on, but boy, was it difficult for her.
She had arrived home from work one sunny Thursday afternoon in April, to find an envelope on the carpet by the door. She recognised the handwriting in which the address had been written in, and it had made her heart stop. She took a seat, and inhaled deeply, before ripping it open. She could have just binned it before even opening it, but she needed to know what it said, curiosity got the best of her.
Dear Valentina, Losing you is the worst thing that has happened to me in my life so far. I can't live normally without you. I can't believe I let you go, I will never forgive myself for my stupid mistake. I miss you everyday. Every morning I wake up, I miss waking up to your smile. Every time I catch a glimpse of a pair of blue eyes, or a flash of blonde hair I think maybe you've come back, but I'm kidding myself. The truth is, you're too good for me. I tried to believe that I deserved you, but I never did. You're like some kind of angel, and I never knew how to deal with that. So I messed it up. You won't ever forgive me, I know that. So, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I just wanted you to know that if I could apologise a billion times, I would. I would do anything to take back what I did. Anything. I bet you never pinned me as the kind of man to write some soppy, desperate letter to the girl who's heart he broke. And you're right, I'm not. But I'd do anything for you. I always will. Yours, Roger
When Valentina placed the piece of paper back down on the kitchen table, she hadn't noticed the small streams of tears that were falling delicately from her eyes. She quickly lifted her hands to wipe them away swiftly. She took a deep breath, folded the letter and stood up from the table.
How could he do that to her? Was he trying to make her feel a million emotions at once? She couldn't believe that he had really wrote her a letter, he must really care about it. He must really be sorry. But, sorry isn't good enough. He made the mistake, and he was right, he didn't deserve the love she gave him if he was just going to throw it away like that.
She shook her head, and she put the letter away in a drawer in her dressing table. She didn't know why she was keeping it, but part of her just couldn't bare to throw it away.
•••
Roger had not received a reply from the letter he sent last week, or even a phone call. But alas, he didn't think he would. He hadn't been himself since Valentina had left him, he felt like an empty shell of his former self. He was irritable in the recording sessions, he was short tempered with his band mates and friends, and he was always running on very little sleep – his thoughts often keeping him awake into the small hours.
"Rog! Mate, you there?" He was snapped from his thoughts as Brians hand waved in front of his face. Roger was sat behind his drum kit in the recording booth, a cigarette between his lips. He frowned, humming in reply.
"We're going from the top again, get ready" Brian briefed him, before taking his place once more with his guitar.
Roger prepared to perform the song again. They were only halfway through the first section when Freddie stopped them all. "Stop, stop. It's not working, is it? Somebody's off time" he declared, waving his arms around.
Roger subconsciously rolled his eyes at this, taking his cigarette from his lips and tapping the ashes off. "Well, I think it's obvious who it is" Brian made the snarky comment, and Roger felt heat rise to his face.
"Who's that then, huh?" He snapped back, from behind his kit.
"Mate, you've been off since Valentina left you. You're irritable in the sessions, not focussed, and sometimes you come in pissed, or high... it's not good enough!" Brian went off, taking out some of his frustrations on the blonde man.
"I agree, Roger. You're not yourself. You need to focus on this. You can't get her back, and the only reason she's gone is because you slept with someone else. You can't change the past, so deal with your stuff and stop taking it out on us, or your bloody drums!" Freddie joined in, and Roger got even more annoyed now, he felt attacked. Ganged up on.
Roger stood up forcefully, pushing the stool back. "Oh you can all piss off actually, I'm sick of you ganging up on me about this. I'm fucking off, have fun recording the song with no bloody drums" Roger fumed, storming out of the booth and heading outside, leaving John looking fed up, Freddie and Paul looking over it, and Brian looking annoyed.
"Just let him cool off for a bit" he heard John say as the studio door shut, before he was out of earshot.
He stood outside the studio, deposing of his current cigarette end and pulling out a little tin of spliffs from his pocket. He needed something stronger this time. He knew he smoked too much, but all his bad habits had become worse over the past few months. He also knew the boys were right, he needed to put the split behind him so that he could get enough sleep, and start focussing better in the studio, but he just couldn't get Valentina out of his head. He felt as though she was what made him sane, and now he couldn't live without her. He needed her, to be the man he wanted and needed to be.
a u t h o r s n o t e ! writing the first half of the chapter whilst listening to that song was sad af. the next chapter is a good one, so don't miss it! that's all from me. have a good week everyone(:
