Seven Days (B.I / Kim Hanbin Fan Fiction)

CHAPTER 35: Take Care

*Notes: Listening to Demo Song of Kim Hanbin with title '살 있 어 (Take Care)' will enhance and support the mood while reading this story. Please click the video link on the media!*

Irina's POV

My sister called me. After all these times.

I knew from the start when I saw my sister's caller ID on my phone, it wouldn't be a good news. But I wasn't expecting that would be a really, really bad news.

"Mom has been sick, and it getting worse. She's in hospital now." said my sister. Her voice was echoing and suddenly I felt numb.

"How?" I asked in disbelief.

"She's old, Irina. What'd you expect?" she asked with sarcasm. I gasped because I never knew my sister could giving sarcasms to anyone.

"But... I mean... How long—"

"6 months after your departure to South Korea, she's been whining about how weak she becomes. She's easily out of breath every time she does some house chores, and the first time of her worst condition was 3 months ago: she fainted in house's bathroom."

I remained silent, still processing all of the sudden information.

"And..." I managed to let out my voice, "What's her disease?" I asked in whispering voice.

 There was 3 seconds of her silence. Then,

"Kidney failure," she answered in the same whispering voice.

It was worse than my expectation.

"And why did you let me know now? Why did not earlier?" I asked her hastily.

"Mom didn't want to let you know," she hissed, "she's that angry to you! But now, with her worse condition, she suddenly asked me to tell you and ask you to come back here."

"Why?" I asked in disbelief. "She never cares and wants my attention for her."

"Irina, for a God's sake— our mother still loves you. Maybe you interpreted all of her actions to you as a negative things, but she never meant it that way. She just want you the best—"

"Easy for you to say!" I shouted angrily to her. "You never been the one who received all of Mom's despicable behaviour! You never been the one who feel belittle because of Mom's underestimation judgement! Because... you always been the golden daughter of her, and I will not be the one for her. I won't. Ever."

There was a silence again. This time, it was much longer. I used the silence to calm me down and took a breath slowly.

"You're right." she began to spoke, "I will never know. Because Mom always relies on me and thinks if I'm the perfect daughter, who will not does any mistakes. Little did she know, I'm only an ordinary woman who sometimes can feels... insecure. But she won't accepting it and I'll ended up always pretending to be perfect in front of her. You'll never know how it felt so suffocating." she murmured with the deep sadness embellished her voice.

The suffocating word had stabbed my heart cruelly.

All of these years I thought I was the only one who felt suffocating in our family. But turns out— my sister felt the same way because of our mother. 

I wanted to cry and laugh hysterically because of the vicious irony.

"Sis," I said after the remaining silent between us, "I'll go home as soon as possible."

I ended our call.

Like I said before, I was feeling empty because of Mom's bad news.

But the fact that I recently knew about my sister's true feeling made me... ashamed. I was too self-centered and never paid attention to my sister. My mind always convinced me if she was just as bad as my Mom, to make me feel belittle with her flawless perfection. But it was all fake. And it's been making her suffocated all these years.

Turns out we're just the same, me and my sister.

That was the only reason why did I decide to go back to my home; to accompany her. If I were in her position, I couldn't stand to be alone, to take all of those depressing situation. No matter what it cost, I have to be there for her.

Even though I couldn't keep my promise to Hanbin.

I watched Hanbin's sleep face. I was lucky when he didn't find out about my plan to going home today. I knew his sight is bad, so he must couldn't see what's on my screen. I lied smoothly and after I bought a plane ticket to Indonesia, I tried to calm him down with faking my sleep. 

I guess his hunch is quite good. I could tell he had a really bad hunch about me. He wasn't like that before, being too worry and anxious. 

Lucky me again, Hanbin fell asleep quickly. I tried to let his arms off carefully to not wake him up. I did it, and after that I hurried up to clean my things in this room. I have to get prepared for my early flight and to prevent being caught by him.

When I finished cleaning my things, I reached him again and sat besides his body in the bed. I held his hand gently and said,

"I'm sorry for not keeping my promises to you, Hanbin-ah."

That was, I thought, the last words I've ever said to him at that time.

But I knew it wouldn't bring a justice for him. He needed explanation, though. As soon as I arrived at my room, I took my pen and ripped the paper from my notebook to write a letter for him.

Kim Hanbin,

I know this is not the way that it should be; at least, not the way that we wanted for both of us.
I'm selfish and a coward for leaving you without saying anything at all. But I think, this is the best for us.

The reason why I always denied my feelings for you, is that I'm sure for one thing: happiness would never be our ending, at all. Yet last night was the first time I thought there's might be a little tiny bit possibility if we could find a happy ending.

But sadly, my sister called me and told me Mom has been sick, so I have to come back. What an irony, huh? This happened right after I accepted my happiness freely. It feels like I couldn't be happy, and this is the way universe show me if I probihited to feel so.

We would never be happily together. But if this has to be happened that way, at least I want you to be happy or find a worth living everyday— even without me.

Jal isseo (Take care), Hanbin-ah.

I couldn't hold my pathetic sobbing when I wrote the last word.

***

~A/N~

Is this really the ending for them? What do you think? 😉 Stay tune for upcoming chapters!

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