Further (#5 in the 'Outcast' series)

Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

Andy's Point of View:

"Andy? Hey man, you ok?"

I just stayed silent, keeping my gaze down as Ashley sat down next to me on the front step on my house. Ashley looked at me sadly.

"How come you're out here?" he asked.

I looked at him. "I locked myself out this morning Ash. I can't get inside."

Realisation crossed his face.

"Oh...right," he said, looking away briefly before looking at me again. "Well you're staying with me tonight, ok? C'mon man, we'll talk when we get inside, yeah?"

I gave a nod, Ashley giving me a smile and getting to his feet. He offered me his hand, helping me up. I gave him a grateful smile and he smiled back, heading off to his place two houses down. I grabbed my things and followed, coming to a halt when we reached his place and he unlocked the door.

He went inside, me closing the door once I was inside. Ashley indicated for me to follow him, so I did as I was told, following him to his room. He put his things down, closing the door and sitting down on his bed as I sat down on the chair at his desk.

"So you wanna tell me what happened today man?" he asked. "Y'know Matt got real pissed 'cause of it."

I gave a nod, looking down.

"I know he did," I said quietly. "Juliet didn't want me to do anything, so I didn't. I couldn't Ash; I couldn't help anyway."

Ashley gave an understanding nod, waiting for me to continue speaking. I sighed.

"He doesn't understand that there're still things I can't do," I said, Ashley nodding again. "I'm not him; I can't just stand up to people Ash. I can't defend myself; that's why I get bashed so much, 'cause I can't fight back. Matt's completely opposite to me and can do anything. I'm not him; I can't do that stuff."

Ashley nodded.

"I know man," he said. "Matt doesn't understand sometimes that everyone's different. But don't let him worry you, ok? You've gotcha talents and ups and downs; everyone does. Like, I know you might feel down 'bout some of the things you can't do, but there're things that equal that out. If you're not good at one thing, you're good at another, y'feel?"

I laughed, feeling a slight bit better. Ashley smiled.

"Thanks man; makes me feel just that bit better," I said with another laugh, glad I had him as a friend. "But like, Matt's got everything, y'know? He has basicallya free pass on anything he does; no-one messes with him and he can stand up for himself and just...he can do everything. Just wish I was like him sometimes."

"Well if you were like him, you wouldn't be you," Ashley said with a bit of a sad smile as I looked up slightly to meet his gaze, a bit unsure. "I like you the way you are Andy; we all do. We don't wantcha to change just 'cause Matt got pissed off, or things happen, y'know? Just fuck what they say and be who you are man. That's why we like you so much; you're not afraid of being yourself anymore."

I looked at him sadly.

"You have no idea how hard I try to not be myself Ash," I said. "Sometimes I just really wish I wasn't who I am; like the past week at school. I've really wished I was someone else..."

Ashley looked at me sadly, knowing how much I really hated myself. I just looked down; ashamed with myself.

"Look Andy, I know it's hard for you; being yourself and whatnot," he said, trying to make me feel better. "But believe me when I say that none of us wantcha to be someone else. Believe me man, I know how hard it gets being who you are sometimes, but you've gotta push through it and see the positive side."