sirens•jaynnie

Chapter 1

-Annie's POV-
Sirens. What I heard over the phone when I was told that my cousin David had passed away at just ten years old. What I heard as my brother left my house for the last time. I hate that sound.

I wake up panting in a pool of sweat and try to calm down a little. Great, my second panic attack of the week. It isn't fair that I get them so often. Even when I'm sleeping. Sleep is supposed to be my only time of rest, when my head isn't screaming with every bad thought I have, which is basically all of them.

I reach for my phone. 4am. Well that's just awesome. I'm not even gonna try to fall back asleep. I don't care. Maybe I'll fall back asleep before my alarm goes off. I would love to just sleep in. I don't think my parents would make me wake up for school. My brother died four years ago, so everyone else is pretty much healed, but I'm not and my parents basically give me everything out of pity. I'm pretty sure it's because they think I'm going to kill myself or something. I'm surprised I haven't yet, and sadly I know I never will. I'm too much of a pussy.

I spend the rest of the early morning staring at the ceiling until my alarm goes off.

I sigh as I get up out of bed.

1 new message from Katie💗:

morning!❤️

Me- morning

I think Katie pities me too. We were friends before everything, but I don't even have a personality anymore, so I don't know why she would still want to be my friend. She's always so bright, and she's always looking out for me. I don't know how she doesn't see that she can't save me. No one can.

I put on the first shirt I see and do the same with pants. My appearance doesn't matter because no one knows I exist anyway.

Before my brother died I was one of the most popular girls in my class. I was only in 5th grade though, so that really sounds dumb. I had a different friend over every day, and I was the happiest I'll ever be. Sometimes I envy that girl. She didn't have a care in the world, but most importantly, she had her big brother to guide her and be there with her.

But it was all over so soon. As soon as that happened, I changed, a lot. I basically cut myself off from the real world. Katie's always here, though. She was with me in the hospital as I said goodbye to my brother.

I hop downstairs and already see my sister and my parents at the table.

"Hey! Good morning!" My mom says to me as she hands me a plate.

"Hi" I sit down.

"How are ya doin' this morning?"

"Great" Lie. I started off my morning with a panic attack in the dark.

"How bout you, Hay?" She asks my sister.

"Good. I'm excited to see my friends today."

"Well that's good."

I don't understand how my family is so happy all the time. Have they forgotten that Caleb is dead? Because I sure haven't. He was everything to me, and so I thought to all of us. Yet everyone has moved on.

      I pop in a Prozac, which doesn't even seem to work anymore, and wash it down with some water before putting on my shoes.

      "Love you girls!"

      "Love you" I hate that they say that. They never said that before. Back when I had a brother. Every time they refer to their children as 'girls' it's just a reminder that there isn't a boy anymore, even though it's all I think about anyway.

I step onto the bus and sit in the back alone as usual. I can hear Hayley already laughing and talking with her friends before I put in my earbuds and shuffle my music.

Music sometimes has the ability to make me feel better. Not exactly happy, but better. I can close my eyes and it's as if nothing bad has ever happened to me. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty for forgetting about Caleb for even a second, but I guess I need to clear my head once in a while.

I open Instagram and I'm instantly greeted by the personal lives of others being exploited.

attawayhigh_tea

Liked by @itskatiedonnelly and 104 others
attawayhigh_tea according to recent rumors, Jayden Bartels and Armani Jackson, Attaway High's it couple, have officially split! Leave your thoughts in the comments!👀
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Believe me, I'm not into all that drama about people I don't even care about. Katie runs the account. She has partners, but she's the one who created it in the first place. I don't know why she loves it, but she does.

missjaydenb

Liked by @itskatiedonnelly, @attawayhigh_tea, and 70 others
missjaydenb free🌊

Well I guess that's cleared up. They really were the it couple, though. They seemed like they were doing great. Strange.

We pull into the school parking lot and I turn my phone off and put it back into my backpack.

Wonder if I'll survive yet another day in hell.

I would say mental prison, but hey, that's basically 24/7.

A/N
I wish I wasn't a terrible writer sksk
June 15th-16th, 2019