I need you, I need you, I need you

chapter 1-baby sibling

August 1st, 2019
Rachel's p/v
"Why are you making me take pictures of you if you're just going to frown in them. Show off that smile of yours."
"For the hundredth time, you know I don't like smiling."
"The world doesn't need to know that."
"Yeah, the world doesn't need to know that my life is a piece of shit."
Darry sighs. "I'm sorry."

December 17th, 2011. How can I forget that day. It was pouring so me and Darry couldn't play outside. We played scramble in our room while the barks from our dad towards our mom filled the house. Like always, we tuned him out and swallowed our tears. It was just another argument that would last until his needs needed to be fulfilled.

But then we heard a slap, followed by the sounds of glass breaking into pieces. Darry told me to stay out. He flew from the room to investigate. My hands started sweating so I decided to just take a peek through the slightly opened door. Mom's face was covered in blood with Darry trying to block her from him. Dad picked him up and threw him across the room. I charged through the door and pushed him. He glared at me with those red, blood shot eyes. His alcohol breath hit me harder than the cuss words he was shouting at me. He had too much to drink because he swung right at my nose. I covered my face with my hands to protect myself. The door swung open so I removed my hands. Our mom was already on the other side of the street. That was just the beginning, although it felt like the longest prologue in existence.

"Maybe you can smile for just one picture. You don't even have to post it."
"Why do you want me to smile so much?"
"Because I don't want you to lose yourself. It took me so long to recover from everything that happened. I can't let you go down the same path I did."
I frown. "Just because I don't like to smile it doesn't mean I'm going to turn rebellious. I have my feet on the ground, ok? Fuck these pictures." I go back into the house and lock myself in my room. I'm not going down the same path he went down. Can't I just hate the world for one second?

After our mom left, the abuse didn't stop. Our dad spent countless nights at the club or at a woman's house. For the first 3 years Darry and I were close, but everything changed when he turned 13. We grew apart because his teenage angst got the best of him. I tried so hard to get my brother back, but he chose drugs and his gangster friends over me.

Not only were we dealing with the abuse, but with the abandonment of our mom. She never came back. I wish she brought me and Darry with her. We got stuck taking care of our alcoholic dad. In return, he dehumanized us every chance he had.

But things are different now. Darry is going to turn 18 in 2 days. In 2 days he will have full custody of me. Last year in April the police finally arrested our dad after years of reports and cps visitations. Darry's English teacher offered to be our legal guardian. We lived with her up until the last week of May. She was moving to New York, but we wanted to stay in Maryland. We agreed that Darry was capable enough to take care of me. She rented us a small house along with the basic necessities like furniture and cleaning supplies. It's just been me and Darry for those months now. Like we expected, things have been pretty smooth. The first summer where we actually felt free. This new school year won't be any different.

Sage is calling me! It is the time for our bestie FaceTime. I lay on my stomach and accept her call.
"Rach, you will NOT believe who just asked me out on a third date."
"Ben?"
"No! That guy is way out of my life. Guess again."
I smile. "Jason."
"Yes! He also asked me if we could make it a double date. Apparently he has a friend who's looking for someone. Would you want to go on a date with him?"
"Hell yeah! I need a little romance in my life after what happened with Jaden."
"I get you. Quick, what's the last song Darry listened to."
"Why do you want to know?"
"Lily needs music recommendations but is too shy to ask him herself."
"He had Afterthought by Fugazi playing while he was cleaning the living room. A little creepy for my liking, but it's chill."
"Got it. So about the date, how fast can you get ready?"
"Why?"
"Because the date is at 4."
"At 4? You couldn't have asked me earlier?"
"Jason brought it up like 10 minutes ago. So can you get ready in 2 hours?"
"The problem isn't how fast I can get ready. I already made plans with Darry."
"Can't you cancel or something?"
"I don't know. You know how sad he gets when I don't want to hang out with him."
"Maybe you can just change the plans to another day. There's no harm in asking."
"I'll see what I can do. I just wish he would leave me alone like he did his early teen years."
"No, you don't, Rach. You were miserable! He was just hurting."
"Yeah, but it's a little to late to switch things around. I'll text you his response."
"Good luck!"
I hang up and slowly get off my bed. Please don't be a grouch for one day! I walk out of my room and knock on his door.
"Come in."
I open the door and smile. "Hey Darry strawberry shortcake! I really like your flannel. And did you start a new skin care routine? Those pores are out of sight!"
He closes his laptop. "Ok, what do you want."
"I know we agreed on hanging out at 4 but Sage invited me to a double date. Please, please, please let me go! We can hang out next Tuesday after school. Please?"
"Hmm, let me think," he looks down and then looks back at me, "no."
"Nah nah, don't be a party pooper. Please, I'll do anything!"
"You already agreed to hang out with me. I fought hard to get the day off."
"I know, but didn't you say you got Tuesday off too? Well if you have don't plans, we can totally go to the movies."
"Do I have to remind you," he gets up from his chair, "you were just a baby when I first carried you in my arms." He wraps his arms around me.
"Darry, you were 3. You probably wished I stayed in the hospital."
"But I didn't. I was the one who took care of you. You're my baby sister, ok? Trust me when I say this; don't grow up, stay away from relationships, and keep your friends close to you."
I pull away. "Bro, you didn't take care of me. If anything I did all the cooking and cleaning whenever dad was home. Plus, you literally ignored me for the longest time. You can't just make up for lost time all of a sudden."
"Jeez, teens these days. Look, I'm sorry for pushing you away when we were younger. I just want to prove that I've changed. Besides, I don't know these guys. Imagine they kidnap you. What am I going to do without you?"
"Leaving me alone?"
Darry laughs. "Do you really hate me that much? I think I'm pretty cool."
"I just hate it when you pull that 'I've changed' bullshit. I couldn't care less."
"Cool. You're still not going on that date."
"What can I do to change your mind? Oh, I've got it! Why don't you come with us? You can be far away where no one can see you."

He looks at me for a while, his confused face fixated on me. What is this guy even confused about? It's a simple yes or no question.
"Man, the things I do for you."
"So I can go?"
He sighs. "Yes, you can go."
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, Darry!" I hug him tight.
"I'm bringing Hector because I don't need the embarrassment of hanging out by myself haunting me at 3 am."
"Sounds good to me. Be ready before 3:30!" I pull away and walk out his room. Success!

Darry's p/v
Hector opens my refrigerator. "I'm down. Where are we going?"
"The arcade apparently. You know it's 15 year olds going on a date when their location is at an arcade."
"I think it's wholesome. At least Rachel asked you for permission. She could've very easily had gone without telling you."
"Rachel is independent, but she has morals. I don't know, Hector. This whole parenting thing is a lot harder than I thought. I need a girl by my side, but all my relationships ended badly. Broken girl's hearts, gotten mine broken. I just don't want the same for Rachel. She's my baby sibling."
"You're not going to like that I'm about to tell you, but it must be said."
"I'll take anything at this point."
Hector sits next to me at the table. "You need to accept things as they are coming. Rachel is growing up. She's going to get her heart broken whether you like it or not. But you'll always be there to comfort her. These will be important lessons for her."
"I just wish I can shield her from harm. Rachel deserves eternal happiness."
"But it's unrealistic. That's just the law of life."
"These kind of situations are the first of many, huh?"
Hector sighs. "Afraid so. Afraid so."
I lay back in my chair and cross my arms. Eternal happiness. How nice.